The Scene: I’m sitting with my best friend Blake in the Lower East Side’s iconic Russian & Turkish Bathhouse. We’ve just taken a dip in the cold pool when Sam, a burly man of eastern European descent, approaches us and offers up a long list of spa services — platzas, body scrubs, massages, etc.. I look over at Blake with eager eyes. “Let’s do it!” I say.
He responds with: “I’d rather go somewhere else and have a hottie give me a happy ending massage.” I laugh, recalling the time he tried taking me to one of his happy ending spots only to be turned away on account of me not having a penis. “Feel that,” I say, “I think having some buff dude beat me with oak leaves in a sauna while twenty guys look on will more than do it for me.” And so I go for my platza, but not before I make Blake promise to let me interview him about his experiences with sensual massage when I’m done.
Jules: So tell me about how you first got into sensual massages.
Blake: Well my first sexual experience was with a prostitute. I was 20 years old with really low self esteem and I was worried that I’d never find a partner. I had just seen The 40 Year Old Virgin and I was like “Oh my God, I’m going to turn into this guy!” So I called up one of my friends and was like “Hey, do you want to hire some prostitutes and have sex with them?” I was really nervous and felt that if I had a buddy there, it would be easier – less pressure, you know? He was like, “I don’t know about that, man.” So I said I would pay for it. And he was like “Okay, great. Let’s do it!”
So we called up an escort service from the back of the Village Voice and two smoking hot women came over. One was really tall and I was really excited because I love tall women. We were both so nervous that we just ended up talking with them for the whole hour. About halfway through, they even said “You know, the time is almost up,” and we were like “Yeah we know,” and just kept talking with them until they had to leave. We were so annoyed with ourselves and ended up calling another escort service.
Jules: And you’re a broke college student at this point, so this is a lot of money for you, right?
Blake: Yeah totally!
Jules: Was your friend a virgin too?
Blake: No he lived a very different life – lots of drugs and experimentation so he was basically down for whatever.
Jules: Gotcha. So what happened with the second escort service?
Blake: So these two women in their forties showed up. Unlike the first pair, they were total veterans. They guided us through everything. My lady friend was like “All right honey, take your clothes off,” and within five minutes I had finished. The whole experience opened up this door of possibilities for me. I didn’t have to put so much pressure on myself anymore when it came to sex because it was available to me if I wanted it.
Jules: No need to worry about dying a virgin anymore!
Blake: Exactly and it was kind of fun to just chat and be silly with an escort without any pressure. All of my experiences were really positive and all the women I met seemed to be just real salt of the earth people. Of course, eventually I started dating and hooking up with women and stopped seeking out escorts. That’s how I transitioned more into sensual massage.
I was really insecure about my body and I felt really uncomfortable with people’s hands on me. Massage parlors were a safe space. I knew the masseuses didn’t care what I looked like. For them, it was business. At the same time though, they always made me feel very loved and accepted. It’s funny because I feel like in our society, there’s not really an education about how to touch someone else. So by going to them, I learned about all these different places on my body that were erroneous. And I was able to take what I learned there into intimate experiences with my sexual partners.
Jules: Dude, that’s so true! Growing up I didn’t really watch porn but the guys I slept with definitely did. So I would just kind of take their lead – and the sex was terrible! I feel like porn is the only sex education a lot of people get and that’s fucked up because it’s not realistic at all. 9 out of 10 times the focus is on the man’s pleasure. There’s rarely any foreplay, massage, etc., and yet the women are somehow always dripping wet and ready to be jackhammered.
Blake: Seriously! As you know, I lived in Japan for three years. Over there, they call sensual massage “health services,” and that’s really what it is! You’re providing a healthy service for mind and body. For them, it’s not viewed as a shameful thing like it is in America.
I think it’s so important in our society to get over this puritanical idea about sexuality and about what’s “good” or “not good.” It’s such a personal thing. Sex and sex work have become so polarized. By conditioning men to think it’s sinful or something to be ashamed of, we end up with a bunch of guys who repress their natural sexual urges and end up channeling it in all these horrible and misguided directions because A. They don’t have an education and B. There’s shame in using these different [sex work] resources, which allow you to feel human and to express your sexuality in a safe and comfortable environment.
Jules: Damn! That’s some real shit. It’s sad to think that all these misogynistic incels and men who act violently towards women really just never had the chance to explore the divine feminine in a shame free way. There’s undoubtedly men who objectify sex workers in an unhealthy way, but for the most part, it really does seem like these exchanges – contrary to what most of society believes – are actually creating a bridge between the masculine and feminine in a way that breads understanding and mutual respect.
Here you are, this progressive, empathetic 40 something guy who gets all the women he wants. You are the farthest thing imaginable from what we’re programmed to believe is the kind of sleazy perv who goes to massage parlors for happy ending massages. You teach meditation for god’s sake! It really speaks to how off our societal perception of sex work is.
Blake: There’s nothing like a full body massage with a happy ending! It’s just really nice to get that love and attention. I only go every once in a while so when I do it’s a nice treat. I haven’t met a partner who does it the same way. It really is a skillset.
Jules: It’s like what they said in the Sex, Love, and Goop show we just watched! Being in a relationship is a skillset, as is having sex. Both require practice and hard work to be successful.
Blake: Totally. It’s such bullshit the way we stigmatize sex workers. We should be honoring them as the sex goddesses they are! Not only are they highly skilled, but they are keeping people sane and healthy.
Jules: So what do the women in your life think about you going to get happy ending massages? Is it something you feel weird talking about with them? Obviously I don’t count cause I’m a bro lol.
Blake: Surprisingly not. There’s people who I know will understand and there’s people who I know will not. There’s a woman I just started seeing who is a bit more conservative when it comes to sex, so I’m not rushing to tell her that I like to get happy ending massages on my birthday. But on the other hand, this other lady I’m seeing is totally cool with it. We were out buying something at a bodega and the guy at the counter told us how good the messages across the street were in a total wink wink kind of way. We both laughed about it. A few weeks later we hung out and she asked if I had gotten the chance to check it out.
Jules: So how are you able to distinguish which places give happy endings and which ones don’t?
Blake: Typically they are pretty discreet, like the windows are covered and you can’t really see inside. Sometimes they will have a security camera and you will have to get buzzed in. Table showers are usually a tell tale sign that the massages offered are sexual in nature.
Jules: I feel like you’re describing every massage place I’ve been to in New York! I guess it’s way more common than I think. As a woman, though, I’ve never been solicited to.
Blake: Yeah and oftentimes my end game isn’t even a happy ending. I really just want a normal massage but then at the end, the masseuse will have me turn over and ask if I want to keep going for an extra charge. Other times, it’s more obvious. They will strip me down and lather me up using the table shower, grazing my penis or touching my ass. Then they will massage me and jerk me off to completion.
Jules: Sounds lovely! The foreplay, the release. And I’m sure you tip well?
Blake: Of course! Obviously I can’t know exactly what any given masseuse is thinking, but from my point of view, the experience feels good for everyone involved. I’m big on energy and I’ve never been to a place where it feels like the women are being exploited. I leave feeling nurtured and relaxed and she gets to take home at least triple the amount of cash she would get from giving a normal massage.
Jules: Talk about a win-win.
Jules
Based in Brooklyn, Jules has dedicated her twenties towards harnessing her pussy power, exploring the muse, whore, and wild woman archetypes along the way. When not blogging, you can find her sweating the toxins out in a hot yoga class or sipping a matcha latte at a pretentious coffee shop, whilst she scribbles away in her journal.
