Love her or hate her, there’s no denying that Gwenyth Paltrow is a force to be reckoned with. Netflix’s Sex, Love & Goop showcases a slightly more down-to-earth Gwenyth than we’re used to seeing. She must have gotten the memo from Gal Gadot after the whole Imagine fiasco that the French revolution energy is strong in the wake of the COVID apocalypse. People have lost their appetite for the aspirational Instaporn elitist influencers have to offer.
Instead, they crave authenticity. Sex, Love, & Goop gives us just that – with its diverse set of characters and compelling storylines – inspiring viewers like myself to take their intimate relationships to the next level. Whether you’re a sex worker looking to spice things up with clients, a sex enthusiast looking to rekindle a flame with their partner, or a little bit fo both, I hope this post leaves you feeling empowered.
1. The Erotic Blueprint quiz might not be worth $17.
But there’s definitely dumber things to waste it on! I pay more to have organic celery delivered to my apartment in bulk each week after all. Sexologist goddess, Jaiya, is the mastermind behind this 22 question quiz, which is designed to reveal your primary erotic language: energetic, sensual, sexual, kinky, or shapeshifter. By understanding your own erotic blueprint, as well as your partner’s (if you have one), you can better honor yourself and others through more connected sex.
Jaiya’s Erotic Blueprint types can be broken down into the following 5 categories:
- The sensual type is someone who’s turned on by all of their senses being ignited. This is someone who loves tastes, smell.
- The energetic type is someone who is turned on by anticipation, space, tease, longing, yearning.
- The sexual type is someone who is turned on by what we think of as sex in our culture. Nudity, genitals, orgasm, penetration—these are some of the things the sexual loves.
- The kinky type is someone who is turned on by the taboo, whether its psychological or sensation-based.
- The shapeshifter type is someone who’s turned on by everything the sensual, sexual, kinky, and energetic types are turned on by.
Here’s my breakdown:
While I can’t say I’m particularly shocked with any of this information, I imagine that someone who doesn’t write about sex for a living and who therefore might be a tad less in touch with what puts fire in her loins, would gain better insight into themselves and their intimate relationships by taking the quiz than I did.
2. Your intimate relationship is a meditation on everything that’s wrong with you.
In the wise words of Gwenyth Paltrow’s therapist: “Your intimate relationship is a meditation on everything that’s wrong with you.” As cheesy as the whole “everything we experience is a reflection of our inner self” sentiment can be, there’s no denying its truth. While our parents were pressured to prioritize the needs of the greater good above those of the individual, millennials and gen-zers have been granted more leniency when it comes to journeys of self-discovery.
Without the pressure to get married and start families in our early 20s, younger generations have become increasingly interested in working on themselves before diving into serious relationships. Even so, no one is ever really as “ready” as they want to be for anything. But there’s a difference between “ready” and “ready enough.”
For better or for worse, being in an intimate relationship is bound to shed light on aspects of yourself you may not want to acknowledge – insecurity, trust issues, repressed sexual trauma. Rather than running away from all those uncomfortable feelings though, why not embrace the whole “I’m ready enough” approach?
Leaning into intimacy will force you to confront parts of yourself you would otherwise avoid, and is therefore essential to self growth. It’s only by understanding how we interact with the world that we can develop the self-awareness to evolve as both an individual and a partner. In doing so, we can let go of negative thought patterns that no longer serve us and learn to show up for others in a meaningful and healthy way.
3. Sexual compatibility and sexual preference are two different things.
According to Jaiya, people tend to assume that sexual compatibility means liking the same things as their partner. One of the couples from the show, Damon and Erika, thinks of themselves as sexually incompatible. The love is there but Erika feels that Damon needs sex all the time even when she’s not feeling it. After they each take the Erotic Blueprint quiz and find out that Damon is the sexual type while Erika is more sensual, Jaiya is able to help them unlock a world of sexual ecstasy.
All it takes is a willingness to learn more about the needs and wants of yourself and your partner. Steering clear from genital stimulation early on is also helpful, as doing so allows one to focus on the many forms of intimacy that don’t involve penetration or orgasms, As a sensual, Erika responds better to a slow buildup than she does a one-and-done porno style session.
It takes Damon a minute to wrap his head around the whole delayed gratification thing – i.e he doesn’t directly derive pleasure from spanking his partner but doing so arouses her and, ultimately, her pleasure brings him satisfaction, so therefore spanking her brings him pleasure too – but once he does, he and Erika have loads of fun trying out different sex toys and massage techniques. With the proper guidance, they are able to expand their sexual horizons, strengthening their marriage and fostering a deeper sense of trust in the process. As Jaiya likes to say: “Couples who innovate last!”
4. The body doesn’t lie.
One of the other sexperts featured on Sex, Love, and Goop is Michaela Boehm. She coaches a couple named Rama and Felicitas, whose sex life has fizzled since becoming parents. Felicitas, the wife, is a type A, always-on-the-go supermom who has grown to view (and resent) her husband as another child. Rama’s sexual needs are not being met and the push-pull dynamic of their entire relationship is out of balance.
Felicitas constantly has this “I just smelled bad cheese” look when talking to or about her husband. When Michaela guides them through a bonding exercise designed to help them loosen them up and let go, she notices how Feliciatas’ facial expressions and body language signal to Rama that he is being rejected, which in turn, inhibits him from being able to fully open himself up to her. Even though Felicitas’ words don’t match her body language, Ramas is still able to sense the disconnect on an energetic level.
To remedy this, Felicitas is directed to honor Rama as the man and king he is. She does so by kneeling down in front of him and showering him with words of affirmation. At the end of the day, we are all just sensitive little flowers who need to be nurtured properly in order to flourish. Once Ramas finally gets the respect he’s been craving from Felicitas, balance is restored to their marriage on an emotional, spiritual, and physical level.
If you’ve made it this far, there’s a good chance Sex, Love, and Goop is a good Netflix & Chill option for you. Lucky for you, everything discussed in this blog post is from the first of the six part episode series, so I haven’t totally ruined it for you. I 10/10 recommend watching this with someone you are currently intimate with or are planning on getting intimate with. Whether it’s a boyfriend or sugar daddy, perspectives are bound to be shifted for the better.
Jules
Based in Brooklyn, Jules has dedicated her twenties towards harnessing her pussy power, exploring the muse, whore, and wild woman archetypes along the way. When not blogging, you can find her sweating the toxins out in a hot yoga class or sipping a matcha latte at a pretentious coffee shop, whilst she scribbles away in her journal.
