From a young age, I remember being terrified of periods. Bleeding out of my vagina for a quarter of my adult life? No fucking thanks. But by the time mine finally came along at the age of 15, all my friends had already gotten theirs and I was desperate to partake in this highly anticipated rite of passage.
Periods have always served as a bonding mechanism. In traditional Native American cultures, menstruation is viewed as a sacred time to rest, spend time with other women, and pass down divine feminine wisdom from one generation to the next.
To put things in a more modern context, asking a bathroom full of women if anyone has a tampon is nearly always met with a warm, “Yes, I got you!” that speaks to the powerful sisterhood of this female experience. Yet so much of period culture in this day and age centers around negativity.
“Ugh I feel so fucking fat! My skin is freaking out and I can’t stop crying. I had to cancel my dick appointment because my cramps are so bad.” Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with a little complaining. There’s no point in pretending that the inevitable oscillation between diarrhea and constipation that comes about when that time of the month strikes is anything other than uncomfortable and embarrassing.
But I fear that the modern-day woman’s outlook on periods is so deeply rooted in misogyny and capitalism, that it tarnishes the beauty of menstruation. Here are three ways I’ve reframed my relationship to my period that I hope will help you love yourself and your body a little more than when you started reading this article:
Honoring Your Intuition
Most women would be quick to agree with the fact that being on their period makes them extra sensitive. Because we live in a patriarchal society that shits on feminine qualities, we internalize this as a bad thing. How many of us have been met with a, “Damn somebody must be PMSing” by an ignorant man when we’ve spoken to them in a way they perceive to be bitchy?
To act anything short of docile and sweet 100% of the time is to dishonor the societal script we’ve been fed since birth about gender norms and good girls. But as I’ve alluded to in my blogs about shadow work, all humans are multifaceted and experience a full range of emotions. Whether these emotions express consciously or subconsciously simply depends on how repressed and out of touch we are with our true, authentic selves.
All this to say that of course, we are going to experience mood swings throughout our menstrual cycles, as estrogen drops and progesterone rises! We get bloated and sad and crave shitty food, and then when we succumb to binge eating a pint of ice cream, we shame ourselves for being undisciplined and glutinous.
But what if we made a conscious effort to shed this shame narrative and allow ourselves to feel? To really own the anger and melancholy and angst we feel when going through the extraordinary process that is menstruation.
Perhaps if we could embrace this “dark” side of ourselves rather than getting down on ourselves for feeling and behaving less than perfectly, we could recognize the more positive aspects of being on our period. Within the conscious community, I’ve heard countless women express how strong their intuition becomes while menstruating.
They are able to channel their psychic abilities, transport to different dimensions, and manifest things into their life with much more vigor and success than when they are not on the rag. So the next time you find yourself in a period doom spiral, remind yourself that you are a divine goddess who has magical powers, not to mention the ability to create and bring life into this world.
Taking Time to Rest and Reset
Before the invention of electricity, all women were synced up not only with one another but with the moon. It was standard for a woman to start her period on the new moon – a time associated with new beginnings and rebirth. Anecdotal evidence points to the fact that fertility is highest in women whose cycles begin on the new moon. When I’m eating clean, meditating regularly, and generally feeling balanced in my life, I notice that day one of my period tends to fall closer to, if not exactly on, the new moon of each month.
The more in touch I’ve gotten with my body, the more I’ve come to view my period as a spiritually cleansing experience. A period is literally the shedding of the uterine lining, so it makes complete sense that an emotional release would accompany the physical one. The week leading up to the period is when the breakouts, bloat, and feelings of aggravation come about. But when day one of the period comes, all the bullshit expels itself from my body and I am left feeling lighter and more at ease than I have in weeks.
Undergoing such an intense process that entails blood loss is bound to make us more fatigued than usual. This is something that we should honor. I for one never sleep as much or as deeply as I do during the first couple days of my period. It’s like I’m bear in hibernation and I come out of it feeling restored and ready to take on the world. Unfortunately though, our modern day capitalist society isn’t all that supportive of this vital rest period – Spain being the exception.
The second wave feminist movement ushered in a workforce of women who were eager to prove their worthiness in corporate settings that were tailored to and dominated by men. This meant having to power through period pain and working your ass off to prove that you’re not just some weakling who is ruled by her emotions. In order to get a seat at the table, women had to sacrifice their femininity and embrace their masculinity. In a world that hates women so much, the messaging rings clear: this is a man’s world and to be taken seriously by men, you have to act like one.
Girls can do it all, there’s no denying that. We are fully capable of menstruating, getting pregnant, and raising kids all while working full-time. All the #girlboss #bossbitch millennials posting it up on Instagram serve as shining examples of this phenomenon. We’ve proven ourselves and we have tampons to thank for increased mobility and freedom. Now can we take a step back and just sit with ourselves? Can we start honoring the bodies we’ve become so disconnected from? Can we learn to derive our self-worth from being rather than doing? Can we shift our relationships with our periods and bodies from one of self-loathing to that of self-love?
Bonding With Your Partner(s)
The new hormonal IUD that gets rid of your period is the primary form of birth control being pushed onto young women these days, at least in the United States. While baby Jules would have absolutely loved the idea of never menstruating and being able to fuck without the inconvenience of a period, older, wiser Jules is deeply disturbed by this form of contraception and highly skeptical of birth control as a whole.
I can’t help but think of the group of men who schemed up a birth control method that eliminates bleeding all together. Since men are often denied sex when a woman is menstruating because she is embarrassed or just isn’t feeling it, it makes all the sense in the world that they would invest so much time and energy into creating a hormone-disrupting contraption to facilitate the ultimate male fantasy – a non-menstruating woman who is always DTF.
As a former sex worker, I totally see the appeal of not getting your period. If you’ve already established a relationship with a client and feel comfortable around them, a little crime scene sex is usually no big deal. But I personally have never fucked a guy I met for the first time – whether I met him through sugaring or regular dating – when bleeding heavily. There’s just always been some kind of mental block for me. To get to a point where I feel comfortable being all bloody with a partner requires a level of vulnerability that takes time and trust to develop.
Once this threshold has been crossed, a new level of intimacy is achieved. Some of the best sex of my life has been when I’m on my period. Not only do I tend to get hornier around that time of the month, there’s just something undeniably primal and uninhibited about having messy sex. And as someone who is not on birth control, being on my period is the only time I’ll ever let a guy cum inside me without a condom – a phenomenon which has been proven to forge a bond between partners.
Even if I’m not in the mood to have sex while menstruating, an emotional bond is formed when I am able to vocalize to a man that I’m on my period. Whether I tell him that I’m experiencing terrible back pain and he offers to give me a massage or we just cuddle in bed all day and watch Netflix, there’s something incredibly special about spending time with a romantic and / or sexual partner when on your period. Your partner gets to step into the role of provider and feel good about themselves for supporting you, and you get to honor your divine feminine by allowing yourself to receive and be taken care of.
Jules
Based in Brooklyn, Jules has dedicated her twenties towards harnessing her pussy power, exploring the muse, whore, and wild woman archetypes along the way. When not blogging, you can find her sweating the toxins out in a hot yoga class or sipping a matcha latte at a pretentious coffee shop, whilst she scribbles away in her journal.
