Want in on the reality of the sugaring london scene?
Here’s the tea, with the sugar…and the salt.
The Real Deal Daddy
They may be few and far between but they absolutely do exist, and they make sifting through the rest very, very worth it. This guy wants something that is not solely physical, sometimes not at all physical. He’s got that sugar daddy etiquette down to a T. He’s not insistent on only paying you if/when you have sex.
Once he’s fallen for you, he truly wants to spoil you, meaning that he’ll approach it more organically, giving you plenty of sugar of his own accord. Sooner or later, he’ll also be open to giving you a monthly allowance. He’s rich. He looks rich- squeaky clean rich. He even smells rich- no cologne, just very good soap. He’s most likely on the older side and lives in Kensington or Hampstead.
Pros: It’s everything you imagined having a sugar daddy to be. It’s a slow burner, but once you hit it off, you’re sorted. As in, rent covered sorted, plus way more.
The No-Strings-Attached Daddy
He’s called something like ‘investmentbanker101’ on his sugaring profile, meaning that he’s definitely not an investment banker. He’s looking for a nothing more than a regular fuck. A bit of a perv. He’ll pop up now again when he’s horny with a ‘Hey you!’ Tends to be on the younger side. He might try and convince you that £150 is a normal pay-per-meet price. Wrong! Be sure that he’ll take you to a Travelodge or an Ibis, and bring a cheap bottle of rosé for the pre-shag small talk.
Pros- He’s probably quite un-intimidating. He won’t take up too much of your time. You know the deal, no frills.
Mr. International Daddy
He’s not a regular daddy, he’s a cool daddy. He lives between places. He can’t be pinned down. He’s got that European mindset and he’ll want to do wholesome stuff like visit art galleries and go on hikes. He likes deep house music. He’ll text you pictures and videos of wherever he is- ‘want me to fly you out here..?’ Usually a good egg, if not a little pretentious, but aren’t they all? Probably wears linen chino pants and loose button up shirts.
Pros: You’ll get to travel with him. You’ll probably experience a lot of cool new things, he’ll likely give you a substantial amount of sugar and the sex will be good.
The Midlife Crisis Daddy
He’s divorced. He’s rebounding. Probably in his forties. He’s going to talk about the ex-wife most of the time and probably paint her as a complete psycho when in reality she single handedly raised their five children. He’s a bit flaky because he’s only doing this to try and make himself feel better and live out his American Beauty fantasy. He lives in Clapham or Chelsea and probably has an arrogant haircut.
Pros: He likes to show off a bit, meaning that he’ll take you to flamboyant restaurants and private members clubs.
The Gentleman Daddy
He’s ‘respectful’, he’s ‘mature’, he’s also cheating on his wife. Oxbridge educated, he’s not a fan of piercings and tattoos. He’s looking for a ‘young lady’, preferably under 25. In other words, he’s a massive peadophile. He wants you to be direct and confident, but also innocent and submissive. You must be clever, but never cleverer than him. He wants to mentor (cough- patronise) you. A huge tory. Probably has a chode.
Pros- He’s great if you need discretion, because he certainly does. The sugar will be piling high. He’ll take you to the theatre and if you’re lucky, the ballet.
The Slave Daddy
You know you’ve hit the jackpot with one of these bad boys. They’ll pay you £££ to quite literally kiss the ground you walk on. He’s quite possibly your regular business man who plays being the alpha male in the office all day meaning that when he gets into the bedroom, he wants to be spanked and called your little minion.
Pros: Lots! These guys are often really nice. Although being a regular sugar baby can be empowering in its own way, this type of arrangement, for obvious reasons, can really make you feel in control of the situation.
The Hippie Daddy
He’s a self-proclaimed saposexual, but he’s also searching for a natural blonde no taller than 5”7, with a slim build. He won’t uber you to his house, not because he’s stingy, but because it’s not eco-friendly. He doesn’t want to give you money, that’s too transactional! Instead he’ll treat you to a Deliveroo after he’s cleansed your chakras and anally penetrated you for three hours straight in his ‘gated creative community’ bedsit in Mile End.
Pros: He’s pretty chilled and not as traditional as some of the other daddies. You’ll probably smoke a joint together and have a conversation you would normally find yourself having at an afters at 5am. It will be sort of nice.
The Mummy and Daddy
The original ‘Hi! Me and my wife saw you from across the bar and we really dig your vibe.’ Yep. They’re looking for a third. Sometimes these work really well, you feel like you’ve become one happy little family and you’re the cherished addition. They can get messy, however. Sometimes the guy just wants another woman to screw and the wife is trying to be cool about it and act like she wants it too. When it’s like this, it never ends well.
Pros: Another woman being there can make the whole thing feel safer. They also might want to take you to some fancy sex parties, so that’s pretty exciting.
The Lowdown
In all seriousness, the key to finding the perfect daddy for you is completely subjective, and down to chemistry, just like any normal relationship.
Of course, it’s always fun to meet guys with a ‘fuck you, pay me’ attitude, but meeting someone who you genuinely have a special time with, who respects you and truly wants to treat you and help you out in any way they can will take way less energy, and will also be the most rewarding.If you’re patient, and don’t waste time on the investmentbanker101 guys, you’ll be winning.
Iso
Iso is a writer and filmmaker based in East London. She is passionate about all things erotic and leads a sexy, shame-free life in hope that she can inspire others to do the same. Originally from a Northern seaside town, she is naturally drawn to the best things in life: candyfloss, trashy karaoke bars and heart-shaped sunglasses.
