Compared to escorts and dominatrix, sugar babies tend to be much more candid with their clients. While my sugar persona was curated to a degree – a shinier, more stable, less slutty version of my true self – I still opted to be forthright about much of my life. I used my real name and told daddies where I was from, what my parents did for a living, where I went to school, and what my career goals were.
Whereas an escort-client relationship tends to be more focused on getting down to the business of sex, sugar daddies pay for something more intimate and authentic – a girl-next-door experience. Whether that comes down to making themselves feel less icky about paying for sex or filling the void they have for never having had children of their own, nine times out of ten, the outcome results in a layered relationship that breeds longevity.
I’ve been lucky enough to maintain friendships with nearly all of my ex-daddies since throwing in the sugar towel; calling them up for career and relationship advice on the reg. But for the nine good eggs, there is always a bad one – a deeply disturbed predator more interested in gaining information about you so that he can control you than because he actually gives a shit about you as a human being.
I made the mistake of being too trusting too early on with a daddy and it nearly cost me my life. After hearing a horror story from a sugar baby friend who was blackmailed by a daddy just last week, I felt compelled to put together a sugar baby’s guide to staying safe. There’s nothing wrong with developing a real relationship with a daddy in which you disclose personal details about yourself, but it’s essential to protect your privacy early on to avoid situations that jeopardize your livelihood.
Use a fake address for car service pickups at the beginning of your courtship
Picture this: it’s cold af outside and you’re about to make the trek from your dilapidated apartment building to the boujee part of the city for drinks with a daddy you just met online. As you’re getting ready, he offers to send a car. You take it as a green flag that this guy doesn’t mind footing a $60 Uber bill. He isn’t gonna be one of those annoyingly stingy motherfuckers who pretends to be way more of a baller than he is.
Now I’m not saying to forgo the offer altogether but I highly recommend not sending your exact address. Whether you opt to walk down the block to your neighborhood corner store or list an address just a few houses down from your own abode, you are mitigating the risk of a daddy showing up and stalking you by not providing your exact location.
My friend who had the recent daddy mishap had gotten a little too comfortable having daddies Uber her back and forth from her home address – a home where her parents also happen to reside. On her first date with the daddy, she had offhandedly mentioned that she was living with her parents at the moment while saving up to move into an apartment of her own.
What seemed like a harmless detail to share ended up leaving her exposed. When she wasn’t keen on meeting up a second time, the daddy flipped a shit and threatened to show up at her parent’s house to tell them that their beloved daughter was whoring herself out for money.
Luckily, he has not shown up and seems to have moved on with his life, but my friend is now burdened with the stress of this crazy dude showing up and blowing up her life. The fragile male ego is real, which is why it’s always better to air on the side of caution when it comes to this sort of stuff – at least until they’ve proven themselves to not be total psychos.
Be wary of a daddy who you just met offering up free housing
If sharing your address is risky, living in a place owned by a non-vetted daddy is perilous. Take it from someone who ignored their “it must be too good to be true” sense of logic in order to snag a way nicer apartment than she could afford.
At some point in my sugar career, I was in between housing. I had given notice to my landlord under the assumption that my bestie had done the same and that we were going to spend the next month looking for a place. But she backed out at the last minute, leaving me scrambling for a sublet.
I was at a point in my life where nearly all of my income was coming from sugaring. I had lined up a handful of first dates that week, hoping for a cash allowance and / or housing. One of these dates was with a man named Chester. He had made his money as an entertainment lawyer and was spending his retirement investing in real estate and pursuing his art career.
He happened to have an empty one bedroom apartment available. The only catch? It was his sometimes art studio. What this really meant was that he had 24/7 access and was down to let me pay way below market value rent in exchange for being his muse – both artistically and sexually.
My first impression of Chester was someone who was eccentric verging on mentally unstable and my gut told me that this guy had the potential to be dangerous – especially when under the influence of alcohol – but I ignored it in the name of comfort and convenience. Flash forward a couple of weeks and I do something to upset him.
His demeanor changes from playful to angry and the next thing my clothes have stripped off of me, My neck is chained to the bed and I’m screaming over and over, “Please don’t rape me!” Chester is also naked and about to penetrate me when my desperate cries finally seem to make their way to his ears. He gets up and releases me but from that point forward I knew I had to remove myself from this living situation and from this man’s life immediately.
I have night terrors where I’m murdered by strangulation on the regular and while I insist on rethinking past mistakes as lessons, I can’t help but beat myself up for entangling myself in such a debacle, especially after years of honing my sugar street smarts. While I can’t change what happened to me, I use my experience as a warning story to others, especially when I hear that someone is considering accepting housing from a daddy.
Based on my own experience, more clearcut boundaries you have with a daddy, the healthier the relationship. Never let a man threaten your freedom with material things. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
Opt for a cash allowance whenever possible
For tax and safety purposes alike, cash is king. Not only have I been scammed by a daddy who asked for my PayPal account, only to pantomime sending me send the money before proceeding to bang and ghost me, but all the accounts I have had allowances sent to are associated with my full name along with other implicating details – something I somehow gave no thought until after the fact.
Call me paranoid, but I for one get creeped out thinking about some guy I hardly know who has compromising information on me and far more resources than I to attack or defend himself should the need come for it having direct access to my personal info.
I also can’t help but get a tad anxious whenever there’s a digital footprint of my happenings.The last thing anyone needs is the taxman or some other government agency digging into their online transactions. Even having nothing to hide, the slowness that accompanies bureaucratic processes is a major pain in the ass. Save yourself the stress by receiving your allowance as cash whenever possible.
Share your location with a friend if your intuition tells you to
I know, I know this one is kind of eye roll. It’s like when you’re 16 and your parents tell you to call them if you’re too drunk and need a ride home from the party. Obviously it’s a precaution that has merit but in the moment, it feels annoying af. Why run the risk of getting grounded for a month because your parents find out versus taking the risk of driving a little tipsy or even just sleeping in your car until you’ve sobered up?
I once had a therapist who was very sweet but who just didn’t get it. She was vanilla as they come and I was fully aware that the 50 minutes a week I spent venting about my sexscapades and other bipolar shenanigans made her feel more alive than anything in her own life. When I mentioned getting back into the sugar game after a break, she said something like, “You’re being safe and always checking in with a trusted person to let them know who you’re with and where, right?” “Of course,” I lied through my teeth. Anything to avoid a lecture.
Listen, I get it. Sugaring is attractive in large part because of the independence it gives you. To share your location with a friend every time you go on a date feels like overkill – at least to me. But at the very least, if and when you do get a weird vibe, you want to have someone in you support network who you can reach out to without fear of judgement. Better a false alarm than a body bag.
Obtain as much personal info as you can about your daddy
If you’ve been sugaring for a while, you’ve probably come across at least one daddy who is weirdly private. He seems to have multiple aliases and never invites you over to his personal residence. In rare cases, this can be a cause for concern (i.e he’s a serial killer trying to cover his trail), but usually it just comes down to the fact that he is a semi-prominent figure – more prominent than you at the very least – who can be found and potentially exhorted with just one quick Google search.
Not only should you take a number from these James Bond daddies when it comes to hiding specifics about last names, places of work, and family members, but you should take it upon yourself to channel your inner sleuth every time you are on the job. Nothing crazy. There’s no need to go through phones or snoop through apartments. Actions like these are morally questionable and could result in loss of trust and exile.
But pay attention – to locations (i.e if he meets you in a mid-town hotel room every Tuesday at noon, chances are he works around there), names on credit cards, and any other bread crumbs he lets slip. Ask questions too. Don’t be pushy, just be interested. It’s not that you’re getting ammo to annihilate a potentially harmless victim. You’re just gathering intel so that if he tries coming for you, you have a defensive strategy in place. In other words, mutually assured destruction.
Jules
Based in Brooklyn, Jules has dedicated her twenties towards harnessing her pussy power, exploring the muse, whore, and wild woman archetypes along the way. When not blogging, you can find her sweating the toxins out in a hot yoga class or sipping a matcha latte at a pretentious coffee shop, whilst she scribbles away in her journal.
