With the majority of avid porn watchers being male, the conversation around the topic is usually focused on men and the growing problem of addiction. I chatted to Eileen (27) to get a female perspective on the impact of a growing up with access to unlimited porn.
When did you first watch porn?
I must’ve been about 11. It was on my family computer (obvs) – one of those massive boxy ones, situated in our ‘computer room’. I can’t remember how I found out about it, but I know I was alone when I watched it. I don’t recall whether or not I masturbated the first time. I know that it was a very mainstream, typical porn video.
Did you continue to watch it?
I did! I definitely watched it more in my teens than I do now. Probably I watched it once every two weeks. So not a crazy amount, but now I only watch it maybe 5 times a year. I prefer to use my imagination.
What sort of porn did you watch?
I started with mainstream. At first I was just curious. And then I started watching it to learn. I had zero clue how to give a blowjob, zero clue about my own body as a girl, so I watched it to understand better what sex was all about and how to be good at it. Then I started exploring what I liked, and realised I preferred more amateur stuff, and kinky stuff.
Do you think growing up with access to internet porn has impacted your generation?
It definitely seems to impact guys more than girls in a way that can be destructive. I know a lot of guys who have become addicted and in all honesty I know zero girls who have. I think that for girls, it has done two things- one good, and one bad. The good is that is has allowed them to feel less shame about sex, it’s made them more open minded and comfortable with it all. The bad is that I think a lot of porn is still very male gaze-esque, and so they have sort of learnt to find pleasure in their own objectification- they get turned on by things that are kind of degrading, and call it progressive. I’m not shaming girls here- I’m guilty of it too!
What are the pros to you personally as a girl, of growing up with access to porn?
I would say that porn has been really important because, we have grown up with other forms of exposure to sex- with films and tv shows, music and music videos, and other internet platforms like TikTok and Instagram. Although it’s gradually changing, these platforms tend to show more uniform representations of sex- the body types are all the same, sex scenes are performative and vanilla, so you’re exposed to all of this sex unlike previous gens- which is great, BUT, it only makes you feel alienated if you’re slightly different to what they show. Whereas in porn, you can find all sorts of body types, all sorts of kinks- there’s no barriers. Before I discovered internet porn, I would see the magazine porn on the top shelves in newsagents, and see these huge boobs on every cover. I learnt that that was what was desirable, so I would wear these insanely padded bras and never let a guy see my actual tits. I was so ashamed. When I discovered porn with bodies that looked like mine, I learnt that people could find me hot. It was a huge confidence boost.
It also gave me a sex education! It’s so poor in schools, especially for girls, that I didn’t know anything about the clit, and it was porn that allowed me to learn about all of that stuff. Plus, like i said, it helped let go of any shame regarding sex and kink.
What about the cons?
Okay so definitely what I mentioned before, about how it probably made me sexualise myself and the female body in a way that is kind of objectifying, I barely look at the guy when I watch porn. But maybe that’s a me problem- I know some female friends who only watch gay male porn. It also kind of made me think male pleasure was the most important part of sex because so much porn primarily focuses on that. I know you have categories like squirting, but it’s kind of sensationalised and the target audience is more men for those sorts of videos so I feel like it doesn’t count. Having said that,there is porn out there that truly focuses on female pleasure. Porn in itself, is not inherently the problem in my opinion- it’s the type of porn which is most mainstream that I feel can create cons.
Do you feel you were overly-exposed to sex and porn from a young age?
At the time it was all I knew. I didn’t think about how previous generations didn’t have this. I only started to be more aware of our generations exposure to porn when I started having sex with older guys. With someone my age, rough sex with spanking and choking etc. is so much more common, like it’s almost standard procedure. Whereas I found that with older guys it’s definitely not standard procedure- they’re more cautious to be rough as there’s more of a stigma around it for their generation. I don’t really know whether rough sex being more common and ‘normal’ in our society is actually progressive or fake progressive- especially when you consider that it’s normally the women who are take the violence.
How do you think you’d be today without porn?
That’s a very interesting question! I honestly think I would be a lot more shy and ashamed of my sexuality. I think with or without porn I’ve always been a pretty sexual person, so I would’ve just felt more embarrassed about it. As a result of my shame and lack of porn sexual education, I would also probably be way less good in bed!
Iso
Iso is a writer and filmmaker based in East London. She is passionate about all things erotic and leads a sexy, shame-free life in hope that she can inspire others to do the same. Originally from a Northern seaside town, she is naturally drawn to the best things in life: candyfloss, trashy karaoke bars and heart-shaped sunglasses.
