In a world where we swipe left and right with ease, building connections is becoming more and more challenging. Online dating has become a major avenue for meeting potential partners or lovers, yet many people find it difficult to form authentic, intimate connections. With conversations that have no depth, ghosting or people appearing to be insincere and the sheer volume of people at your fingertips, the list of challenges is ever-growing.
You’re not alone if you’re feeling disheartened by the lack of depth in your digital encounters or the lack of human-to-human interactions that come from seeking out connections off the back of our digital devices. The good news is that we have a few tips to help you cultivate real connections in a digital world—especially when you feel like you’ve hit a brick wall.
Shift the focus from the superficial to the substantial.
We’re all guilty of letting appearances, lifestyle, and even a person’s bio dictate our decisions on dating apps, just like we do on Instagram or any other social platform. But building true intimacy begins when we move beyond the surface-level stuff and focus on what matters: values, interests, emotional connection, and shared life goals. We should also consider bedroom likes and dislikes, rather than just if they have a cute pic with their ex’s dog. The key is to ask open-ended questions that ignite conversation, not just the typical ‘So… How many dates have you had so far this year?’.
We should also consider bedroom likes and dislikes, rather than just if they have a cute pic with their ex’s dog.
If you are unsure where to begin when asking the right questions, start by reflecting on your goals, interests, and values and writing them down. This self-exploration will clarify what you want to explore and guide you in thinking about what you’d like to learn about someone else; it will also help filter out the people who genuinely want to get to know you back if they engage back.
Here are a few prompts:
What are the most important things in my life right now?
What do I want to achieve in the next year?
What are my non-negotiables when it comes to relationships?
What kind of person would I like to take home to meet my friends/family?
How do I like to spend my time off?
What are the red flags that I will not stand for?
Don’t rely on technology alone.
While technology can be an excellent tool for connecting with others, it should not be the only way you build connections. If you’re feeling a little low about your online interactions, consider taking a break from the usual dating apps and think outside the box. For example, let’s go old school and join a dance class, a run club or even an online community if in-person activities are a little out of your comfort zone.
I encourage you to step outside the typical spaces where people meet, like bars, pubs, and clubs, where the focus is often more on drinking. Instead, look for environments where you can authentically connect with others based on shared interests. Try striking up a conversation with the hottie you’ve had your eye on at the gym (yes, take the plunge!), or start a friendly chat with the cutie at your local coffee shop. Life’s too short to limit yourself to dating apps.
It’s all about creating connections where you’re looking for human interactions and enjoying life simultaneously.
By putting yourself in places or activities that genuinely bring you joy—whether that’s a yoga class, a book club, or even a weekend farmers’ market—you’re more likely to meet people who align with your true self. It’s all about creating connections where you’re looking for human interactions and enjoying life simultaneously. You might be surprised at where you’ll have your next meaningful conversation—or even your next partner.
Embrace the process, not the instant gratification.
Get ready for some hard truths because this is the harsh reality no one discusses: no expectations, no disappointment!
It’s easy to fall into the trap of expecting immediate connection or validation, but the truth is that dating apps are not designed to deliver instant gratification—and certainly not from strangers behind a screen. If conversations fizzle out or you encounter people who don’t align with your values or even end up ghosting, remember it’s not a reflection of your worth —it’s not about you; it’s about the nature of digital connections. Don’t give these platforms or people all the power; remember, self-care is important.
If conversations fizzle out or you encounter people who don’t align with your values or even end up ghosting, remember it’s not a reflection of your worth.
Like social media, we base our assumptions of others on a few images and words. Dating apps often offer only a brief snapshot of who someone is, so if it doesn’t work out, it’s most likely for a good reason. The key is to keep searching and approach online dating with curiosity and patience rather than looking for immediate answers or validation. Remember, every interaction doesn’t need to be “the one”—sometimes, it’s just part of finding the right fit.
Final thoughts.
Remember, in a world where instant connections are often portrayed as the norm, it’s easy to forget that real relationships take time and genuine effort to build. While the digital space offers plenty of opportunities, it’s important to remember that connections don’t happen overnight—they require patience, vulnerability, and a willingness to step outside the easy swipe.
So, take a step back from the pressure to find instant validation and give yourself the space to connect more deeply with others—both online and offline. Trust the process, embrace the journey, and remember that the right connections will come when you’re true to yourself and your desires. Your next meaningful conversation might be around the corner.
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April Maria
April Maria is a qualified sex educator, sex and relationships coach and training psychosexual and relationships therapist. For the last four years, April has been working in the field of sex education, sex tech and pleasure, endometriosis awareness and helping others when it comes to sexual wellness, intimacy, dating and relationships.
