Sensuality, sexuality and sex are all deeply personal experiences, ones that should be accessible and welcoming to all regardless of who, what or how you identify. Yet, societal norms, biases, and a lack of awareness and education can often create barriers that exclude individuals from fully exploring and embracing their sensual or sexual selves safely. While sensuality is a space where EVERYONE should feel safe, respected, and valued, we have a long way to go to ensure this is everyone’s reality.
Ask yourself, when was the last time you took a moment to see how your experiences of sex or accessing sensual experiences might differ from someone who looks, feels and experiences the world differently from your own? If this awareness is new to you, then that’s ok. Let’s go through what you need to know together.
Acknowledging differences
First, inclusivity begins with recognising that people experience sensuality uniquely and differently from our own. A person’s experience can ultimately be shaped by their identities, environment, and physical and neurological differences. One way we can start to open ourselves up to this newfound awareness and others’ experiences of the world is never to assume a person’s sexual preferences and experiences and instead learn to be curious and ask questions. Remember, ask questions to learn, not to place the burden of education on someone else. Curiosity is valuable, but so is doing your own research. So, just like you would ask someone what they like to eat and where they have been, the same applies to sex, sensuality and sexuality. Creating a safe and inclusive space for sensuality requires more than just talking—it requires truly listening.
Remember to:
- Listening without judgment
- Ask for clarification if something seems unclear
- Reflect back what you heard to show you are truly listening
One area that I want to bring to your attention is how inclusivity often goes unspoken within the realms of sex and those living with a disability. People with disabilities are usually left out of the conversation or space, whether it be through fear, preconceived notions about what their bodies are capable of or even just not having the awareness that adaptations may be needed to provide alternative approaches to intimacy. Remember, everybody and every body deserves pleasure, and that pleasure looks different for everyone. People with disabilities love sex and feeling sensual just as much as the next person.
Last but not least, many neurodivergent people (such as those with ADHD, autism, or sensory processing differences) experience sensuality and sex in ways that may differ from neurotypical expectations. Many of us grew up never being taught about neurodiversity; I certainly wasn’t, so I highly recommend doing some extra reading about this. Again, just like disability, neurodivergent people may need the additional support that most people are afraid to explore or may not have any understanding of. Sometimes, small adaptations can go a long way, starting with educating ourselves and staying curious about others’ needs.
Learning boundaries and communication skills.
Communication is lubrication; without it, it can not only cause discomfort, but it may even cause harm. Communication is essential to understanding what someone wants or needs and a necessary part of learning someone’s boundaries. Everyone has different limits, and encouraging ongoing conversations about personal comfort levels helps create a space where everyone feels secure and included.
A key thing to remember about communication and inclusivity is that some people may find verbal communication challenging. While others may need a direct, explicit conversation about desires and limits around sex and touch, some may find they need adaptive ways to communicate. Inclusivity means finding solutions that work for everyone involved.
Reflection exercise: Exploring sensuality through a new lens
Take a moment to reflect on your own experiences of sensuality and sexuality. Grab a journal or sit with these questions in a quiet space:
- How has your environment shaped your understanding of sensuality and sex?
- Have you ever assumed someone’s preferences, abilities, or experiences without asking?
- What biases (conscious or unconscious) might you have when thinking about who “deserves“ pleasure?
- How can you start embracing more inclusive intimacy approaches in your life?
This reflection is not about guilt or shame—it’s about growth. Take the time to explore this on your own, and if you need extra support, explore the advice, support or guidance to explore further with a professional at Sensuali.
Explore our Coach and Therapists at Sensuali today.
April Maria
April Maria is a qualified sex educator, sex and relationships coach and training psychosexual and relationships therapist. For the last four years, April has been working in the field of sex education, sex tech and pleasure, endometriosis awareness and helping others when it comes to sexual wellness, intimacy, dating and relationships.
