So tell me about your celibacy journey. When did it start? Was it intentional? What exactly qualifies as celibacy (abstention from sex, jerking off, etc.)? Would you say you’ve lost sexual attraction altogether?
I guess it’s been a year since I’ve had sex and 18 months since I experienced a massive change. It certainly was not intentional. This was something that happened as a result of a breakup.
That just kind of shifted my attitude about sex. I stopped wanting to have casual sex. I just wanted to have lovemaking. Not that I think that that’s the only valuable form of sex, but I got really intrigued and enamored and aware of the energy exchange that’s taking place and how it can be kind of reckless to just exchange that energy without too much thought or to just jump into it.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ve definitely had my fair share of flings and one night stands and things that are still interesting to me on many levels. I just became aware of that energy exchange. You hear things about how a woman still has parts of every man who’s ever been with her in her. I know this is not super scientifically phrased. But you know, it got me thinking, “What does that mean? What’s going on there?” Because it’s pretty intense.
I don’t really jerk off much. I’m very aware of cumming aka spilling and try not to do so because immediately after you ejaculate, you’re like, “I’m so tired.” There’s just a complete depletion. The energy is gone. There’s something that happens, which may sound strange to a lot of people, but cumming is basically your body being like, “That’s it! I made a baby. I’m good. I’ve done my deed.” Meanwhile, you’re just looking at porn and spilling it all over the place or catching it in a condom. That’s precious fluid!
I started following some people online who discuss this matter, about the life force within and what it’s like to salvage it and not squander it, and I’ve noticed a huge difference when I go on long streaks of not having spilled my seed – like 100 days plus. I know this dude, who is my breathwork guru. He’s really amazing. And he’s gone like four plus years, without spilling his seed. Actually, probably way more. At this point, it might be six.
But yeah, I noticed a difference in terms of motivation and energy. When I was in boarding school, you were kind of aware of people jerking off and I was pretty super public about it. I remember, one of my friends knew I was going to jerk off and he was like, “Nah, dude, save it for getting girls. That’s what I do. We gotta save it for getting girls.” And there’s something to that…that there’s energy or drive that you don’t want to just squander.
Has your celibacy affected interpersonal relationships?
Celibacy has definitely affected my interpersonal relationship. Right now I’m currently sort of dating. The status of the relationship is weird because I am so highly abstinent. I just do not have a huge desire for penetrative sexual things at the moment. And it’s been really upsetting to this person who wants to date me.
I think she’s an amazing person, but it’s really hard. She understands. I told her that I’m not myself lately, which I’m not. Because I am a hypersexual person in general. And right now, that’s just not the case. It’s been an unprecedented time of abstinence.
What can you tell me about the practice of semen retention? Is that something you’ve factored into your own lifestyle choices?
I already spoke about semen retention a little bit. I do factor that into my lifestyle choices. I’m really interested in mastering the art of orgasm without ejaculation. I think it’s pretty good birth control-wise and I also think it’s interesting in terms of how you have to control your breath and how you have to experience that without losing your fluid.
I’ve heard people say that you kind of have to suck it in and ejaculate internally, and it gets absorbed into your spine or something. But I have not mastered it to any degree yet.
Do you feel like you’re able to focus more on your goals when you’re celibate?
I do feel like I’m able to focus on my goals more. Whenever you eliminate anything that takes up time, you’re able to do other things, especially if that thing is draining your life force or your motivation or leaves you feeling satisfied.
Your body thinks you’re doing the ultimate form of human creation. It’s this biological victory like, “Yes, I’ve gotten laid and I’m calm and I’m making a kid.” When in reality, some people are starting off their day like that, before achieving anything. And when I say some people, I mean me in the past for sure.
Tell me about your past sexual history (to the degree you feel comfortable). Have you ever experienced a dry spell like the one you’ve been going through — intentionally or otherwise? Have you ever felt addicted to sex / masturbation?
Yeah, I can’t even believe how much I used to jerk off. It feels very reckless now, given how I feel about it now. These days, if I do spill my seed, which is not super rare, but is increasingly rare, I eat all of it. Every fucking drop.
In terms of my past sexual history, I’ve had dry spells that are probably this long but not never intentionally. I have pretty high standards and I like really weird things, so I prefer quality over quantity. But I definitely have a super, super, super high sex drive and have had sex with a lot of people in one day before. I’ve definitely had enough of a history to make what I’m doing now kind of shocking.
Have I ever felt addicted to sex? Yeah, I guess so. Definitely in my mind and the way I perceive people. I put them through a sexual filter and I used to masturbate a lot and watch porn, which I do not watch ever anymore. It is pretty harmful to the mind and it desensitizes you. You kind of just get addicted and need to utilize imagery and revisit it just to feel anything and you have to up the stakes. So, I’m pretty anti-porn on that level.
What are your thoughts on male sexuality as a whole? Does our culture place too much emphasis on sex, porn, and the conquest of pussy as being the ultimate signifier of masculinity?
I think male sexuality is a lot of bravado and there is this whole idea of the conquest of vagina being perceived as the ultimate signifier of masculinity. But also, I think it’s just awesome when somebody is magnetic. Women are incredible. I love being around them and having access to their more intimate forms of being.
No matter how I feel about all this, I definitely want to be able to get as many ladies as possible, in terms of being able to connect on a level where I’m interesting to them. I think that’s a biological thing. I think that people are subconsciously choosing mates.
Of course, that does not happen a majority of the time that people are looking for sexual partners. Sex is also just really fun and cool. There’s a lot of interesting subcultures, but I also think that this society doesn’t view it with a sacredness that it’s sometimes entitled to. With the commodification of everything, there’s a sacredness that gets eliminated and diminished.
I think that it’s a really serious and important act that has been watered down. I don’t want to sound religious or anything because like I’ve definitely had a lot of casual sex. It’s just been a really, really long time since that happened thought and I feel a distinct difference in how I view the power of sex.
Do you have plans to break your celibacy streak anytime soon? If so, what would that look like (in an ideal world)?
I really hope to break my celibacy streak soon. Honestly, there’s a lot of sexual things that are really interesting to me that are not traditional penetrative vaginal and ejaculation type stuff. There’s a specific lady who I would love to have walk on my face. I’m into feet so that’s something I really hope happens.
In your ideal world, what would be the perfect sex / life / work balance?
I think sex three or four times a week is cool. I would really like to have a lot more sex than them having. I just don’t feel like I’m in a place to perform really well in certain ways, and that’s something that’s important to me. I don’t like to be a poor performer, so that’s part of the reason that I haven’t been as active lately. I just don’t feel ready to contribute substantially enough to my liking.
Do you feel like your diet / lifestyle has any effect on your libido?
I eat a largely raw vegan diet and kind of feel a heightened drive at times. But it’s hard to say, because my age has changed. I’ve started being vegan at 24 and am 33 now. So there’s obviously some changes that are not diet that happened but in that time period, I definitely feel an increase in my stamina.
You sometimes hear the opposite but the movie Game Changers has some pretty startling experiments about erections and plant based diets that I found interesting. But I would take everything I’m saying with a grain of salt because every body is different.
What advice would you give to someone trying to overcome sex addiction?
I don’t know. Look online. There’s communities and stuff. They have these Nofap groups on Reddit. Someone on there will be like, “I haven’t done it for 33 days,” and people will be like, “Yeah, man, it only gets better from here!” And then someone will be like, “Oh man, I looked at porn yesterday and I broke my 9 day streak,” and people will offer words of encouragement and support.
What’s important is the progress that you’ve made mentally. It’s the same as any kind of addiction. There’s support groups and there’s people who really emphasize the benefits of being abstinent for solid periods of time. My recommendations would be to try and not look at pornography ever, and to stay away from triggers.
Jules
Based in Brooklyn, Jules has dedicated her twenties towards harnessing her pussy power, exploring the muse, whore, and wild woman archetypes along the way. When not blogging, you can find her sweating the toxins out in a hot yoga class or sipping a matcha latte at a pretentious coffee shop, whilst she scribbles away in her journal.
