What’s your age, gender, and sexual preference?
I’m a 30 year old bisexual woman who mostly dates men.
What are your thoughts on vibrators?
I’m decidedly anti. I’ve gone through phases where I’ve been more into them, specifically for masturbation. In my early twenties, I dated a guy once who was so into sex toys and bought me this treasure trove of vibrators, butt plugs, you name it. Don’t get me wrong. I’m all about the female pleasure and think that if it elevates a sexual experience, great. But for me personally, I just think they ruin intimacy a bit. It’s like my body gets so used to that intense vibration that it makes it harder to cum without it.
How frequently do you use them during sex?
Even though I generally try to avoid them when I can, a lot of guys I have sex with are into them and will whip them out during sex. I’d say that happens like 1 in 5 times I have a new partner. I’m not gonna be like, “Nah put it away” because I appreciate the effort. Loads of guys will finger you or go down on you for like 10 seconds just to get you wet enough so they can penetrate you. They are not all that concerned about female pleasure. So if it’s between that and a guy who has a stash of vibrators and is eager to make you cum, the answer is obvious.
I will say though that sometimes I find it a little lazy. Like if that’s your MO, I’m not here for it. Especially when it means that you’re never gonna go down on me. I am very generous when it comes to giving oral sex and I’ve found myself in situations where the guy is overly reliant on the vibrator to make me cum and seemingly uninterested in going down on me. As a woman, it’s easy to get in your head about that shit. Do I smell okay? Is he just not that into me? And yes, I should be better at communicating my love of oral sex and my preference for that over vibrators, but I mean if a guy isn’t into it, he’s just not into it. The last thing I’d want is for someone to do something they are not into because then I’ll just be all in my head and unable to enjoy it.
Do you find you or your partner typically initiates the use of a vibrator or you do?
Definitely my partners. I’ve never been the girl to roll up with a vibrator to a hookup. But I have friends who are, and I love that or them. Talk about taking control and prioritizing the female pleasure!
What’s your preferred vibrator of choice?
Not all that familiar with names but I think the rabbit is the one everyone is obsessed with that I’ve tried and definitely enjoyed. For me, it’s all about the clitoral stimulation. That’s why I’m not into dildos. Like you’re just gonna stick this non-vibrating thing up my vagina and expect it to feel good? I’d rather have a real live, warm dick up the vag with a vibrator doing me right on my clit.
Any other sex toys you use that are worth mentioning?
Hmmm, again I try and lean more into connected sex free from all the props. But a butt plug every once in a while can be fun. I will say that I went through this awful phase where I decided to get rid of my vibrators. I had been a relationship and things had ended and I was taking a hiatus from sex. So I got super into pleasuring myself. My hand did the trick for a while but then one time, I was using my massage gun on my gluten and I thought to myself, “Wow, this has a lot of horsepower,” and decided to try it on my clit. The pressure was so strong. Like way stronger than any vibrator I had ever used. And then for a month or so, it became my go-to. When I finally broke my period of celibacy and had sex, I noticed how hard it was to make myself cum. So basically, I had gotten rid of all these vibrators to avoid this very problem. And I had ended up becoming over-reliant on this thing that was basically a vibrator on steroids. Never again!
What’s your favorite way to make a woman cum or to have a person make you?
Oral sex! It’’s all about that soft, tender clitoral stimulation. Plus the intimacy of that is next level compared to being fingering or getting jackhammered or whatever. In terms of making a guy cum, I love the feeling of being filled up inside. Especially when it’s with a longterm partner and we don’t use condom. Doesn’t gar more intimate than that.
Do you think vibrators reduce intimacy?
I’ve touched on this earlier, but yes I do think that to a degree they do. But not always. On the one hand, a vibrator can just make sex more orgasm filled which in and of itself is intimate. On the other hand though, bringing in a third party robot of sorts is inevitably gonna take awake some of that connectedness. Kink and sex toys and all that stuff can be fun to experiment with, but to me there’s no better sex than when it’s just me with a guy I feel super connected to energetically, emotionally, and sexually.
Do you think our vibrator culture is out of control?
A little bit. I’m so here for the sexual revolution and women getting more in touch with their bodies and mutually pleasurable sexual experiences becoming the norm amongst heterosexual-normative couples and all that jazz. But all these female publications like Cosmo are really leaning into it and I feel like it’s become a little overdone and commercialized. The way they are marketed in all these bright, fun colors with cute names makes me think of sex toy shops as candy stores for adult women. Like Sephora kind of.
There’s so much pro-vibrator sentiment in feminist circles these days and I think that nothing is ever all it’s hyped up to be, but that doesn’t make it bad. I’m bisexual, although I have’t been with many women but when I do talk to women who have sex with women, sex toys like strap-ons seem to be more of fixture, which totally makes sense from a logistical standpoint. Definitely not out here to shame anyone’s choices. I think as long as people are having fun and having tons of orgasms during sex, that’s all that really matters. So long as no is getting hurt in the process.
Jules
Based in Brooklyn, Jules has dedicated her twenties towards harnessing her pussy power, exploring the muse, whore, and wild woman archetypes along the way. When not blogging, you can find her sweating the toxins out in a hot yoga class or sipping a matcha latte at a pretentious coffee shop, whilst she scribbles away in her journal.
