Male masturbation is considered a totally normal part of growing up. The spotty teenage boy who avidly jerks off to porn is a common caricature in films and tv shows that we all watch, whilst we rarely see a similar representation of a teenage girl. I’ve had to delve deep into indie alternative films to find any representation of teenage female masturbation on screen. Female masturbation is a lot more shrouded in shame and considered a lot more abnormal. So, how true are these stereotypes? Do girls jerk off less often than boys? Do boys only jerk off to busty blonde porn? Do girls feel an internalised shame after they do it? I asked three men and three women to give me an account of what a typical solo masturbation session looks like for them, to challenge some of the common tropes we’ve all been influenced by.
Jess (24)
I couldn’t even tell you how old I was when I first masturbated but I still remember the shock and overwhelming pleasure that was my first orgasm. It was, and I don’t exaggerate here, life changing. I had heard about girls messing around down there and it feeling good so I tried it and it was just like my body took over and just knew what to do and bam- the best feeling I have ever experienced. I normally do it 3-4 times a month at the moment, but sometimes 4 times in one day! When I masturbate now, 90% of the time I will use porn, usually because it turns me on quicker, and I lead a busy life so I rarely take the time to enjoy it over a long period. The things that turn me on most are the things that are seen as ‘taboo’, for example home intruder or BDSM. I like to see a woman in uncontrollable pleasure and imagine I’m her, but mostly it depends on how I’m feeling. If I’m craving intimacy and love then I go for soft porn. I usually have to go through a few videos to realise what I’m really craving. Masturbating for me is an empowering experience and teaches you about what makes your body tick and can then be transferred into actual sexual experiences where you can tell people what you want. I will masturbate whilst single or in a relationship, it doesn’t bother me or my partner. When you’re in a long term relationship you will go through periods where you’re too busy or tired for sex, so whipping the vibrator out now and then is enough to satisfy your inner sexual goddess.
Lola (22)
I remember the first time I masturbated I was 16. I had lost my virginity when I was 14 but I didn’t think I could get myself off. I would just get bored or tired, it didn’t feel right. Nowadays I tend to do it whenever I am alone in my room, when I wake up, when I go to sleep, during the day if I’m bored. I still do it when in a relationship, though sometimes I forget about it and go a week or so without doing it. I have never used a sex toy, only ever my hand. It tends to take me under a minute or two, it used to take around ten minutes when I first started, I don’t even really need mental stimulation, I can do it whilst watching the news, I purely get off on the feeling. I often listen to music whilst doing it, usually dreamy, airy fairy music. The first time I made myself come I was listening to Silk by Wolf Alice. I tend to feel fine afterwards but it’s often hard for me to stop as I just keep going over and over again. I once did it for 3 hours and started crying because I had to get up early in the morning, but it feels quite compulsive. I find it calms me down a lot, it used to make me fall asleep but I’ve become a bit desensitised to that feeling. It’s only ever clitoral stimulation and I’ve never come through penetration, though I think I prefer it.
Hope (24)
I’ve honestly masturbated ever since I can remember, before I actually knew what it really was. Then after some sexual trauma, it took me a couple of years or so to relearn that sex isn’t dirty, and neither is pleasuring myself or being inherently sexual… it isn’t something I needed to be wary of forever. When I started masturbating again it was almost always at night and I used porn, mostly close up oral sex so that I could think of someone I am attracted to (a celebrity, a character in a film, someone I am attracted to in real life) doing it to me, or real life couples, as I just couldn’t shake the fact that even lesbian porn is mostly catering for straight men, and it made me feel dirty, especially being queer myself. I don’t think men care as much about porn being real, but for me I hate the thought of a woman faking it to inflate a man’s ego, so it pulls me out of the mood. Now I think about my girlfriend when I’m masturbating alone and not able to just have sex with her, because not only is it safe and familiar but also because she is the person I get the most turned on by in all honesty. Afterwards I almost feel comforted, I usually do it before bed still because it relaxes me, or sometimes in the day when I’m bored or get turned on by something I’m watching. I used to just stimulate my clit with my fingers but now I use a vibrator, I don’t really use penetration when masturbating because I’ve never come from it, plus buzzing my clit makes me come in less than two minutes most of the time.
Matthew (26)
I started masturbating at age 7, it was a weird encounter when my mother walked in. Masturbation is quite random for me, I don’t do it often but when I do, it’s three times a day. I tend to do it when I’m bored and have nothing else to do. I still do it when I’m in a relationship- I feel like sex and masturbation are two different needs.I stimulate an erection by watching porn. Depending on my mental state I will watch very rough sex which rarely involves only two people. Either that or I watch massage parlour porn. I normally just work with my dick, I don’t stimulate the g-spot (mainly because of trauma). When I’m not in the mood I do use my imagination. It’s always involving people I know and have an emotional connection with, and it can be either made up scenarios or past memories. They usually start off pretty basic but they end up with some form of pagan ritual to gods or the fantasies may even involve gods themselves. I’m not always involved in my own fantasies- I tend to create an alter ego that I want to be, where it kind of is me but better looking, bigger muscles, taller, bigger dick!! If I’m not in the mood I’ll make myself come quicker (within 10-15 minutes) but if I have the time I’ll come after about 30-45 minutes, but that’s rare in my case because I do lose focus quite quickly.
Ryan (25)
I am unsure when was the first time I did it, but I realised from a very young age that there was something unusual happening down there. Masturbation became a more regular thing in my life when I was around 10. Its frequency really depends on how busy I am and how well or how bad I feel. My depression phases do also influence that. When feeling depressed, I tend to do it more. Having never had a proper sexual relationship, masturbation is for now the only form of sexuality I have ever experienced. I have always done it bare handed, and never considered using any toy. I can’t really say that there’s a specific time of day but it’s usually at the end of the day. But when home, it can be any time, and multiple times a day. When doing it, I usually watch porn; and all in one usually takes between 5 to 10 minutes ; maybe longer on certain occasions. I don’t have any specific views about porn ; for me it’s just a thing, and like any other thing, there’s good stuff and bad stuff about it. Because of it being my only exposure to nudity and sex, I had to be aware very early on that porn was just images, images that I only watch to satisfy my urge. A very quick thing, that I clearly don’t associate to reality. When younger, I used to fantasise and come up with scenarios. Not anymore. Got lazier with age. Scenarios I pictured myself were mostly with my crushes back in the days ; I sometimes also drew scenarios based on erotic dreams I may have had. Now, I just watch porn, which usually goes along with the fantasy I have. I usually come when reaching the best point of pressure on my genitals. It does also happen when the images of the porn I am watching capture my fantasies the best. When it all ends, I always feel mentally drained, ashamed and extremely disappointed ; like if I just did something utterly useless. Masturbation never really satisfies me.
George (28)
I first masturbated when I was 16, with g-spot stimulation, so I didn’t come. I only came when I was like 17 or 18. I’d had wet dreams before that though. Now I do it 3-4 times a week. I prefer to do it at night, but sometimes I wake up with a hard on. I like masturbation because it feels comfortable and I can regulate it. Whereas when I have sex with someone there’s complications- if I find them too attractive or I have too many feeling towards them I can’t always get hard. Or I come too quickly. So masturbation is quite liberating for me because I’m not under pressure. I enjoy masturbating at night, it helps me get to sleep. I watch gay porn, ‘strong women’ porn, it’s not necessarily graphic porn though, it’s more suggestive and sensual. I do use my imagination as well, when the internet’s down ;).
Iso
Iso is a writer and filmmaker based in East London. She is passionate about all things erotic and leads a sexy, shame-free life in hope that she can inspire others to do the same. Originally from a Northern seaside town, she is naturally drawn to the best things in life: candyfloss, trashy karaoke bars and heart-shaped sunglasses.
