Julieta Chiara grew up in Salt Lake City, Utah, surrounded by a very repressed Mormon culture. Luckily, she had atheist Argentinian parents who taught her what sex was by the time she was 4 or 5 years old. Having sex was chill. When you lost your virginity, you could let mom know and she’d be like ‘Hey, congrats on losing your virginity’ and take you to get birth control the next day.
This ease towards sex that Julieta has been brought up with is immediately clear when we video call. She’s comfortable in her skin- her smile literally radiates inner peace. She’s confident and she’s funny. As you talk to her, you sense that she’s exactly where she needs to be.
Julieta goes on to tell me that from a young age, she was always surprised by her peers’ ashamed attitude towards sex. Her first unknowing step into the world of sex coaching was talking to them and trying to make them see that sex = cool. And the rest is history.
Tell us everything.
I’m a sex & BDSM coach, alongside being a certified Shibari master. I like to stress that coaching is different to therapy. Therapy is to identity, decode, and feel whereas coaching is a place to start taking action.
I originally went to school to be a sex therapist. But I branched off and started my own brand, which really took off. I guess I just got a little bored of teaching people about their vulvas when really I wanted to teach them how to get tied up.
The mission.
My mission is bringing together our sex lives and our ‘normal’ lives. We have this hard line between them, when in actuality it’s all intertwined. The more I help clients to bring these worlds back together, the less shame or hesitancies they have around sex and kink. I want talking about and experiencing sex and BDSM to feel as casual as having a coffee every day.
Favourite thing about being a sex & BDSM coach?
I think my favourite part of doing sex & BDSM coaching sessions probably has to be helping couples start dominant and submissive dynamics. People think BDSM is like Fifty Shades of Grey, or a leather-clad dominatrix in a dungeon. When they imagine jumping from missionary vanilla sex to that- they freak out and look at it as something that they’ll never be able to achieve. So I basically take my clients to BDSM kindergarten and help them slide into the world gradually.
Talk us through a first session with you.
The first session is an erotic deep-dive. This is how I can understand who you are, what made you who you are and your views on sex. Because half of the time, when you’re not achieving what you want sexually, it’s because your views on sex are holding you back.
Then I say ‘okay, we have *this* amount of time together, how are we going to take you from this, to the goals that you want to achieve by the end? And with everything that I now know about you, what are the obstacles getting in the way of that?’
Tell us about your clients.
I have housewives, tech CEOs going through divorce, to polyamorous couples, to trans couples who are trying to understand how the dynamic works now that they have transitioned. Women in their 70s, young women, I work with all sorts of people.
Ironically, older clients are a lot easier to guide into the BDSM world, because they have a solid identity. By the time you’re 50, your communication is pretty forward and you usually have great boundaries so I think with enough life experience, you almost become attuned to be a better kinkster. My older clients are incredible.
Do you think BDSM is for everyone?
Whilst whips and chains might not be for everyone, I think that BDSM ethics are for everyone. We are forced to be very serious about boundaries, consent and communication in BDSM because we’re playing with more dangerous matters. In that sense, I think that everyone can benefit from learning how to be a kinky person.
That’s another misconception- that the BDSM world is scary. The kinkiest parties you’ll go to are the ones where you’ll be treated with the most respect. The most uncomfortable I have ever been made to feel has been in normal nightclubs.
How do you get people to learn BDSM dynamics?
People already know them in a way. If you work for someone and you have a boss, you have a power dynamic. If you’re a parent to a child, you have a power dynamic. Even in a relationship, if one person is working and the other one isn’t- there’s a little bit of a power dynamic. We live inside of them at all times, so we understand what dominance and submission is. It’s just that we’re learning how to do them in a slightly more fun and naked way!
Let’s talk Shibari.
My journey to Shibari started 7 years ago. I was at a photoshoot, and the (Japanese) photographer asked if I wanted to try some shots with Japanese rope bondage. I was like, ‘sure why not?’
So I have photos of the first time I was ever tied up, which is cool. After that, I couldn’t stop. At first it was a hobby and a thing of beauty, but now it’s a profession for me. I’m a rope top.
The Shibari I learn is focused on history, beauty and safety. My master hates the kink world. He’s like ‘The BDSM world scares me. They make my ties ugly. I want my ties to be beautiful.’ He’s so funny.
I see it as a somatic practice, there’s a lot of release and emotions that come up when you’re tying someone and them back into their body. Most people don’t live in their body and Shibari is a great way to get back in.
Thoughts on the current kink community?
I think we’re in a bit of a revolution. We’re transitioning from the old to the new. You have kinksters who are a bit more progressive, we match what society looks at as ‘normal’. Whereas the old kink communities were very underground and suppressed, and that’s where we saw the extreme of the extreme.
So of course, when people think of BDSM they think ‘oh, scary dungeon people’. I’m loving the new diversity and openness and the range that kink is evolving into. It means that us kinksters don’t have to be pigeonholed into this one stereotype.
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Iso
Iso is a writer and filmmaker based in East London. She is passionate about all things erotic and leads a sexy, shame-free life in hope that she can inspire others to do the same. Originally from a Northern seaside town, she is naturally drawn to the best things in life: candyfloss, trashy karaoke bars and heart-shaped sunglasses.
