As a Menstrual Health Coach and Consultant, the conversation around menopause and sex is an important one —especially when we approach it with curiosity rather than dread.
Below are some myth-busting truths and insights about this transitional phase – one I like to reframe as an exhilarating adventure and a blossoming rite of passage rather than an ending, to your sex life.
But first, let’s first clear up a major misunderstanding:
Menopause is the opposite of the first day of your first period! Remember that? More like reverse or second puberty, menopause is the other bookend to your time as a reproductive human.
Officially, menopause is defined as the 12 consecutive months without a period and often arrives in one’s early 50s. However, the lead-up—called perimenopause—can start as early as your 40s and last anywhere from a few months to over a decade.
During this time, reproductive sex hormones like estrogen, progesterone and testosterone begin to fluctuate, leading to physical, mental and emotional shifts.
Symptoms like hot flashes, mood changes, and vaginal dryness are common, but so are surprising changes to libido, desire, and one’s relationship to intimacy.
And while society often portrays menopause as the “end” of sexuality, I’m here to tell you: it’s simply not true. In fact, for many people, this phase of life is where sexual pleasure peaks.
When approached with curiosity, care, and exploration, perimenopause can open doors to deeper connection, confidence, and the best sex of your life – seriously!
Let’s start by addressing some common myths about libido and menopause
Myth 1: Loss of desire is inevitable.
Truth: Desire or libido can decrease with menopause, but it doesn’t have to! Many factors affect libido, from stress, chronic pain and sleep to relationships, to certain medications and body image. Taking the time to understand what is affecting your desire is key here.
Psychotherapist and relationship expert Esther Perel argues that much of the “desire [in women] may be driven to the same extent as it is in men by novelty and excitement”. In other words, declining desire after menopause may have more to do with boredom with a long-term relationship than anything else.
For many, curiosity becomes their greatest ally—curiosity about their changing body, about pleasure, and about exploring intimacy on their own terms. This is why it is crucial to explore what turns you on—solo or partnered—as this constant checking-in with yourself can rekindle and redefine your sexual vitality.
Myth 2: Sex stops being enjoyable after menopause.
Truth: While changes to hormones can affect libido and comfort, sex can become even more satisfying with the right tools, communication, and mindset. For many, desire gets even stronger.
Many people report that postmenopause brings new confidence, pleasure, and a stronger sense of self. The bottom line is that everyone’s experience is unique.
Some people find their libido surges during menopause; others notice a dip – it’s how they measure its importance in relation to other things in their lives that matters.
Myth 3: Vaginal dryness is the end of pleasurable penetration.
Truth: Vaginal dryness is common but oh so manageable! Oils, moisturizers, and even estrogen creams (estradiol) can make all the difference. Making it a habit to massage and moisturize the vulva area in the 5-10 years prior to perimenopause and throughout the process is key. Try natural oils like olive oil, vitamin E or sea buckthorn oil, as they are from the endocrine disrupting chemicals that can be found in traditional lubes.
Menopause Can Actually Be Your Sexual Peak
During perimenopause, while overall estrogen (estradiol – E2) levels decline, they temporarily hit their peak – the highest in the whole life course! – which might explain the cougar stereotype.
High spurts of of estrogen can leave women and those with female sex organs having spontaneous ravenous sexual appetites that can sometimes be insatiable! More orgasms? YES PLEASE!
Sexuality in midlife often comes with a profound sense of freedom, as by menopause, the worries about unintended pregnancy are gone. Many individuals ‘give less f***ks’ about societal expectations and more about their own desires, boundaries, and pleasures. One of my clients described it beautifully: “For the first time in my life, I know exactly what I want—and I’m not afraid to ask for it.”
This newfound clarity and confidence can be transformative. Whether exploring new relationships, deepening an existing one, or reconnecting with oneself, menopause is an invitation to embrace your desires and what pleases you – without inhibition.
In fact, many people discover that their orgasms become more intense, their self-expression bolder, and their sexual experiences richer and more satisfying during this time. As we know, sexual satisfaction isn’t just about hormones; it’s also about trust, communication, and knowing thyself… deeply.
In their book Wise Power, Red School founders Alexandra Pope and Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer describe menopause as a transformative and sacred rite of passage that awakens inner authority and purpose. This perspective encourages embracing the menopausal journey as an opportunity for profound personal growth and empowerment, which can then lead to a more fulfilling and confident sexual expression.
Tips to Support Your Sexual Well-being
Here are ways to navigate and celebrate your sexuality during perimenopause and beyond:
- Stay Curious
Your body is changing, and so might your preferences. Use this time to get curious about new desires, proclivities, toys, or types of intimacy. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach, so check-in and truly listen to what feels good for you. - Communicate Openly
Whether you’re partnered or solo, honest communication is key. Talk to your partner(s) about what feels good, what’s changed, and what you’d like to explore. Asking for what you want is empowering as hell and having that open, judgment-free space for pleasure can really deepen intimacy and connection. - Prioritize Pleasure
Pleasure isn’t just a bonus—it’s vital to your well-being. Make time to explore your desires through masturbation, sensual touch, or fantasy. Many people find that regular solo pleasure helps keep libido alive and combats vaginal atrophy by increasing blood flow to the pelvic area. - Experiment with Lubrication
Vaginal dryness is common, but there’s no need to “tough it out.” High-quality natural oils and vaginal moisturizers can make a significant difference. If dryness persists, you can talk to your healthcare provider about low-dose estrogen therapy. - Explore Hormonal and Non-Hormonal Treatments
If menopause symptoms like low libido, mood swings, or discomfort are impacting your sex life, consider seeking support from a coach (like me!) and/or a healthcare practitioner. Options range from hormone replacement therapy (HRT) to natural approaches like acupuncture, yoga, and lifestyle / dietary changes. There are tailored solutions for every unique body and experience. - Build a Support System
Don’t navigate this transition alone. Whether it’s a women’s health coach, a therapist, or a trusted community like Sensuali, finding support and being heard and seen can make all the difference. Surround yourself with people who empower you to embrace this phase with curiosity, safety and joy.
Your Journey, Your Rules
One of the most empowering truths about the menopausal transition is that it offers you the chance to redefine what sexuality means to you. It’s a time to prioritize yourself, honor your desires, and embrace your sensuality with confidence.
Remember: there’s no “right” way to experience pleasure during this time. Whether your libido is off the charts, shifting, or settling into a new rhythm, your journey is yours. What matters most is that you give yourself the permission to explore, adapt, and find what brings you pleasure.
Menopause isn’t the end of your sexual story. For many, it’s just the beginning of a bold, beautiful and blossoming new chapter—one defined by deeper connection, unapologetic pleasure, and an unwavering compassion for yourself.
So stay curious, stay open, and know this: the best is yet to come.
My Final Words: You are not alone on this journey. Sensuali is here as your judgment-free space to explore, connect, and celebrate your sensuality—at every stage of life!
Want to know more? Message me on Sensuali to start the conversation.
Check out my Sensuali interview: Meet menstrual & hormonal health educator: Danielle Keiser.
Danielle Keiser
Danielle Keiser is the Queen of Menstrual Health: A pioneer, a consultant, a coach, a speaker, an educator and an exited social entrepreuneur. Since 2013, she has worked to advance menstruation, from launching Menstrual Hygiene Day, to founding the Menstrual Health Hub, to co-authoring the official definition of menstrual health. Danielle has worked across both the public and private sectors with the likes of UNICEF and UNFPA and has consulted large companies like Johnson & Johnson, Essity, and The Body Shop. She is now a Holistic Women's Wellness Coach and offers her guidance to individuals navigating hormonal health challenges and the menopausal transition.
