Discover how owning your fantasies can boost your confidence in and out of the bedroom. Here are my top tips on exploring sensual domination, playful kinks, and turning thoughts into action.
Why fantasies matter for sensual confidence
Let’s face it – fantasies get a bad rap sometimes. People think of them as dirty little secrets, reserved for the dark corners of our minds or, worse, something to feel guilty about. But what if I told you that your fantasies aren’t just normal – they’re downright necessary for building sexual confidence?
Your fantasies are like the mental dress rehearsal before the big show, giving you the chance to explore, experiment, and get in touch with your true desires.
And here’s the clincher: owning those fantasies isn’t just fun (though, trust me, it is fun) – it’s also a powerful way to strengthen your sexual voice. And when you find that voice, it doesn’t just stay in the bedroom. Confidence flows into everything you do, whether it’s work, relationships, or even the way you strut down the street.
What is a sexual voice and why should you care?
Before we dive deeper into fantasies, let’s break down what I mean by “sexual voice.” Think of your sexual voice as the way you express your desires, boundaries, and preferences in the bedroom (and even beyond). It’s the confidence to ask for what you want, say no to what you don’t, and be fully you during sex.
For some of us, that voice is loud and proud right off the bat. But for others, it’s more of a sexy whisper, barely audible. Fantasies can act like a megaphone for your sexual voice, helping you turn up the volume until you’re confidently expressing your desires.
How fantasies boost bedroom confidence
- Exploring fantasies helps you discover what you really want
Let’s be real: vanilla sex is like plain toast. Sure, it gets the job done, but is it really delicious? Enter fantasies. They’re the Nutella, the avocado, the honey drizzle that elevates your sex life from “meh” to “OMG.” Fantasies let you tap into what truly excites you, even if it’s something you’d never want to try in real life. For example, some people fantasise about sensual domination – a softer, more intimate take on power dynamics that’s more about trust than control. Others might dream of the thrill of spanking – a playful yet arousing way to explore physical sensations. Still, others might imagine themselves in an adventurous scenario like being the center of attention in a group setting or trying exhibitionism. These fantasies, even when just explored mentally, help you uncover what truly lights your fire, giving you a sense of clarity about your desires.
- Acting on fantasies builds self-awareness and confidence
Once you’ve figured out what you want, you can start exploring how to bring those fantasies into your real – life sexual experiences. And here’s where the magic happens: when you start owning your desires, you also start feeling more confident. Maybe it’s bringing up your fantasy of getting blindfolded during foreplay or suggesting a little role-play with your partner. Even the act of discussing your fantasies can be a turn-on in itself, and it teaches you to communicate openly – building not only sexual confidence but also trust in your relationship. - Fantasies help break routine and add excitement
Let’s be honest: sex can get boring when it’s the same thing on repeat. If you’re in a long – term relationship, fantasies are like the secret spice that keeps things hot and unpredictable. Sharing fantasies with a partner – whether it’s a desire to explore light BDSM or a softer kink like fingering or sexting – injects a little thrill back into your routine.
Even if you don’t act on every fantasy, simply talking about them can create a deeper sense of intimacy and build anticipation.
- Fantasies and erotica: porn with a personal twist
Okay, I see you. You’ve got that guilty pleasure tab of Pornhub or OnlyFans tucked away somewhere (no shame, babe, no shame). But what if I told you you could be your own director and star? Fantasizing is like writing your own personalised erotica, starring you and whoever – or whatever – you want. The beauty of this is that it’s uniquely yours. Unlike mainstream porn, which can sometimes feel a bit mechanical or repetitive, your fantasies are limitless. And the best part? When you explore them, you start to feel in charge of your pleasure, not just a passive participant.
How to explore your fantasies: tips for turning thoughts into action
Alright, so you’re ready to tap into those fantasies and turn up the heat. Here’s how to go from thinking about your wildest dreams to living them.
- Start solo and build self – trust
Before you can share your fantasies with someone else, you’ve got to get comfortable owning them yourself. Start by exploring your fantasies during solo play. Let your mind wander without judgment, and see where it takes you. Pay attention to what turns you on, what images or scenarios make you feel alive. Self-awareness is the first step to owning your sexual voice, and solo play gives you the freedom to explore at your own pace. - Share with a partner (without freaking them out)
Now that you’ve explored solo, it’s time to share the wealth with your partner. The key here is communication – but without the pressure to make it all happen at once. Instead of dumping your entire fantasy library on them, start small. Try saying, “I had this hot idea the other day, what do you think?” or “I was thinking we could try something a little different tonight…” Gauge their reaction, and go from there. Remember: it’s about mutual pleasure, not forcing something that feels uncomfortable. - Use fantasies as foreplay
Who says fantasies need to stay in your head? Try using them as a form of verbal foreplay. Describe your fantasy to your partner while you’re getting intimate. It doesn’t have to lead to full-on role-play (unless you’re both into that, of course), but just the act of talking about it can be a huge turn-on. Plus, it gives you a sense of empowerment when you vocalise what turns you on, without fear of judgment. - Explore erotica and audio porn
If you’re more of a “let’s ease into this” type, dipping your toes into erotica or audio porn might be just the thing. Websites like Literotica or audio platforms like Dipsea are full of steamy, fantasy-driven stories that can help you get comfortable with exploring different scenarios. For something a little more personal, check out my book, podcast, or audiobook, where I dive deeper into fantasies, sexual empowerment, and real-life ways to bring your desires to life. Not only is this a great way to learn what turns you on, but it can also inspire some sexy adventures for you and your partner.
Personal story: how fantasies changed my sexual voice
Let me spill a little secret: for the longest time, I kept my fantasies locked up. I was convinced that talking about them would make me sound weird, or worse, make my partner think I wasn’t satisfied. But one day, I casually mentioned wanting to try a blindfold during sex. The response? Pure excitement – and suddenly, my self-conscious whisper turned into a confident roar. We started experimenting with little scenarios, and not only did it lead to better, more connected sex, but it also helped me realise that expressing my desires didn’t make me less lovable. It made me more powerful.
Your fantasies are your sexual superpower
In the end, your fantasies are like a secret superpower waiting to be unleashed. They help you discover what you really want, spark better conversations in the bedroom, and keep things fresh and exciting. So, what are you waiting for? It’s time to embrace those wild thoughts and strut into your confidence like the sexy, unstoppable force you are!
Discover more about Lisa Opel.
Find your sexual fantasies on Sensuali.
Lisa Opel
Lisa Opel, celebrated author and pleasure advocate, brings a unique realism to erotic literature with her book "GIVE IT TO ME!", available in audio, print, and ebook formats. Renowned for her insightful TEDx talk and her bilingual podcast DEEP&DIRTY, where she discusses all facets of sexuality with coaches, therapists, and experts, Lisa is dedicated to sexual empowerment and exploration. Her work has captured the attention of audiences on television and in well-regarded media outlets internationally. Her collaborations with Skirt Club and the educational platform feel reinforce her commitment to enhancing understanding and dialogue about sexual freedom.
