Please provide your age, gender, and a brief background on your experience with tantra.
I’m a 37-year-old male. My tantra journey started when I first went to Shri Kali Ashram back in 2010. I’ve been going back and forth ever since, taking long gaps in between as I try my best to incorporate the teachings I learn there into my everyday life.
What does the word “tantra” mean to you?
So the tantrics have this idea that in the creation of the world there’s existence and non-existence, and I think tantra is the study of the essential fundamentals of existence and consciousness.
As someone versed in traditional tantra, what advice would you give to someone coming to Shri Kali who might have a different interpretation of what tantra is?
If someone came to Shri Kali and got their yoga teacher certification and then asked me, “What should I call my yoga class?” I would say, “Don’t call it tantric yoga. Call it something like restorative flow,” because the stuff we’re doing and learning here is pretty far removed from the neotantra stuff that most people associate with the word tantra.
Someone in America will probably assume a tantric yoga class has some sort of sexual element to it; when in reality it’s just about transcending the body and reaching a deep state of meditation through long-held poses and deep breathing.
How does neotantra vary from traditional tantra and where is there overlap?
Sex has always been a component of tantra but I would say the modern western influence has really taken that one aspect and run with it. Margot Anand is the person who I think really started the whole neotantra trend in the west. Her big thing is skydancing tantra, which is where that stereotypical sexualized version of neotantra stems from.
Her teacher was Osho, who is probably the most influential tantric thought leader of the last hundred years. He was more aligned with the traditional school of tantra than Margot but was still adding his own touch to make tantric philosophy more accessible to westerners.
His whole thing was about getting people back in their bodies, which often came in the form of sex. His teachings were sort of the gateway through which people could start to engage with tantra, since a lot of the more traditional stuff is too abstract and advanced for the average person to wrap their head around, at least right off the bat.
How does tantra express itself in your day-to-day life?
I think that when you get into any study, whether it’s yoga or plumbing, your viewpoint and how you experience the world start to change once you reach a certain level. Like if you walk into a building when you’re a designer, you’re going to look at it differently than a window cleaner. The designer is going to be focused more on the overall interior design aesthetic, whereas the window cleaner will probably find himself more fixated on the windows.
Given my relatively limited understanding of tantra, I would say that my view of the world is more holistic than it was before I began my studies. I try to look at things in a more holistic and calm way. I also don’t really think there is evil out there, just some confusion. It’s all just yin and yang.
What about in your sex life? Has it made you a better lover?
I think that for me personally, it’s helped a lot. It’s opened up places that I was holding on to, which kind of just lets things flow better for me. Take that as you will. I think that before, the idea that I could get much better at sex didn’t exist, but I think that that does exist.
You’re not just how you are. There’s different practices you can do as a man. You know, you stay up longer, harder, faster and more productive. And then just the idea of what that is and how that relates to your partner. You start asking yourself questions like, “What is this interaction?” and, “Who is this person?”
In tantra, they say the highest experience you can achieve is the union between the masculine and feminine divine, otherwise known as Shiva and Shakti. That’s personified in the sexual experience and It’s really kind of beautiful.
What’s are the pitfalls of sex in the modern world?
There’s two different ways most guys approach sex. Either they don’t have sex because they are scared of the woman, which is obviously not great. Or they take the aggressive approach, where they treat the woman as a conquest and say stuff like, “Ya I’m washing my sheets. I fucked this bitch last night. Blah, blah, blah.”
But you know I don’t judge either side. People are just doing the best they can with the information they have. In both cases, what’s missing is the connection to the woman. Guys are either scared to connect or they are more interested in telling their bros the next day, which when you think about it is actually pretty homoerotic.
What are your thoughts on people who are branding tantra as a healing form of sex work? Is it offensive / totally missing the point because it exists in a transactional binary? Or do you find that tantra even in a diluted, over-sexualized, capitalist form can still be powerful?
You know, I think I’ve gotten to a place where I don’t want to judge anyone’s medicine. There was definitely a point in my life where I was a total snob and would say stuff like, “That’s not real yoga,” about anything that wasn’t tantric yoga.
But if people feel like it’s great for them, then it’s not my place to offer an opinion as to whether it’s “good” or “bad.” I have noticed that over the last 10 years, more and more people are becoming interested in the more traditional stuff; they want depth. Everyone is figuring this stuff out at their own pace.
If people are branding their stuff as tantra, chances are they probably don’t even know that there are tantric texts. But they are getting out there and getting people more comfortable in their bodies, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. I mean it might cause some confusion but as long as people aren’t getting hurt, I don’t see the problem.
What materials, techniques, etc. would you suggest to someone looking to dive into tantra?
Shri Kali really starts you off in the deep end with their reading suggestions and I mean that in the best way. There’s the Tao of Physics, which basically talks about the convergence of eastern spirituality and metaphysics. There’s Serpent Power, which is all about the science of Kundalini energy. And then of course there’s the Paratrishika, which is like the bible of tantra. Tao of Physics is a pretty easy read but the other two are very abstract and use antiquated language.
It’s okay to not fully grasp everything all at once though. In fact, that’s kind of the point. These are complex systems and ideas we are talking about here. Once you let go of your western conditioning, which focuses too much on logical comprehension and not enough on experiential understanding, you will start to become less and less daunted by difficult-to-read books.
What’s the one move every guy should learn to knock the socks off of his lady?
Don’t forget to breathe. Don’t hold your breath, just breathe. Just work on your splits and work on your breathing because when that all opens up and you’re holding less tension in that area, everything is going to be better.
Any funny or embarrassing stories about tantric sex?
Every time I’m at Shri Kali, I become a freakin lunatic. I just have all this social steam I feel the need to burn off and I go crazy with sex as a result. There are so many embarrassing stories but I’m going to keep those to myself for now. But for any guy out there with embarrassing stories, just keep on trying. It will get better, I promise!
Closing thoughts?
I think it would just be a beautiful world where we all get together and study these things together and people study interesting things in general.
Jules
Based in Brooklyn, Jules has dedicated her twenties towards harnessing her pussy power, exploring the muse, whore, and wild woman archetypes along the way. When not blogging, you can find her sweating the toxins out in a hot yoga class or sipping a matcha latte at a pretentious coffee shop, whilst she scribbles away in her journal.
