What’s your background (age, gender, sexual orientation).
I’m a 42 year old male and plain, vanilla heterosexual.
Tell me about your first experience with porn.
So my first experience with pornographic images was with my dad’s amateur photography magazine. There were a couple of nude pictures in it, which I got very excited about. But the real breakthrough was when the Sunday Observer printed photos from Madonna’s erotica book. There were these black and white pictures and I thought I had discovered masturbation. I remember being slightly guilty going, “Oh gosh, I should only do this once a week.”
I actually considered myself as having had sex with Madonna because I’d masturbated to the pictures. At the time, I used to get really cracked lips and I had this strawberry lip balm from the Body Shop that I would masturbate with. Even to this day, I have a very strong association with the smell of strawberry lip balm.
I remember the thrill of buying my first porn magazine. I would go down this big hill in the old industrial town I grew up in to the store, buy the magazines, and then run up the hill and put them all out on my bed. It gave me such a thrill. I’m actually not sure if anything’s come close to that.
It wasn’t until I was about 13 or 14 in the early 90s that the internet and porn in video format became available to me. By that point, I was more desensitized to sexual imagery and therefore wasn’t as enthralled as I had been by the magazine images of my younger days, even though porn videos were objectively more hardcore.
How did porn fit into your coming of age narrative? Did you start masturbating before discovering porn or visa versa?
When I first started masturbating, I didn’t have access to the internet but my masturbation did very much go hand in hand with the erotic images I was able to get my hands on. I remember having my first orgasm before I had gone through puberty, so nothing came out. I was so happy when I finally started producing semen a few years later.
How has your relationship with porn evolved over the years?
I think for me, porn always filled the hole rather than creating the hole. When I’m busy with other stuff, the urge to watch porn goes away. It’s sort of like how people who had never had a problem with alcohol found themselves drinking alcoholically when COVID first hit, simply because they were bored and looking for a quick fix to relieve their stress.
I’ve tried webcams and stuff but the thrill really wore off very quickly. Porn reminds me a bit of crystal meth in that it’s a pretty cheap high. You find yourself going for harder and harder stuff but at some stage, you’re just like, “This is bullshit compared to other things that are out there.”
I think a lot of people that watch porn are doing it because they don’t have the balls to go and do shit in real life. Like the married man that’s too scared to go and hire a hooker. I’ve honestly kind of grown out of porn as I’ve gotten older because it’s pretty dull compared to the other shit I get up to, like paying some 20 year old I meet online for sex.
What does your current porn consumption look like these days?
I go through periods when I look at porn and periods when I don’t. There’s something just really depressing about working all day in an office job and then finishing your evening with the pants around your ankles standing in front of a laptop. The moment you ejaculate, you’re just like, “What the fuck am I doing?”
It’s like finding yourself surrounded by eight boxes of McDonald’s fast food. It’s not like you’ve broken any laws or hurt anyone but you know it’s not the healthiest nor cathartic thing for you to be doing.
Have you ever felt your porn habits were bordering on unhealthy? If so, what steps did you take to address it?
Not really. It’s always been far easier for me to keep my porn consumption in check compared to other stuff, like hiring hookers and booking happy ending massages. The in-person experiences are what give me my fix.
Where do you draw the line between reality and porn? Does porn inspire your sex life, does your sex life inspire your porn consumption or do you keep them separate?
Porn is like the instant TV dinner for one, in that I typically reserve it for times when I have nothing better to satiate me. I did go through a phase where I would project porn onto the wall while fucking women but honestly, it was just like a poor substitute for being in a real life orgy.
I have noticed that younger women try to act like they are in a porno, especially in terms of the way they give blowjobs. For me, it’s a total fucking turnoff.
Overall, do you feel like porn enhances your sex life or negatively impacts it?
I think it’s neutral. Going back to my junk food analogy, I find porn can be disruptive but that it’s not a hard thing to give up. When I’m satiated by my real life sex life, I find myself watching less porn. I think a lot of guys that get addicted to porn haven’t got other stuff going on to satisfy their needs.
Do you generally find women to be anti-porn or at least less enthusiastic about porn than men?
I think it’s just become so mainstream that women are watching porn just as much as men and take no issue with it. If anything, it’s become part of the whole woke feminist agenda, which if I’m being honest, is such a turn off.
Do you have shame around your porn habits?
Zero shame. If somebody was naive enough to think that men don’t watch nasty porn, then I probably wouldn’t be with her just because my porn habits are low down on the list of kinky shit I’m into.
What’s the weirdest, kinkiest porn you’ve ever watched?
I went through a thing where I was into porn with Japanese women getting fucked by octopus tentacles I also remember watching an interracial gang bang where they put a straw in the girl’s vagina and have her suck out all the cum.
Have you ever tried VR porn?
No but I would really like to.
What would you say to the naysayers who condemn porn for being inherently exploitative?
I think so much of that comes out of the Christian right in America. I don’t think it’s something that people really need protecting from. Anyone who signs up to do porn isn’t showing up thinking, “Wow, I had no idea this was going to happen.”
It’s very much a freedom of choice. As such, it makes the whole exploitative narrative a mute point as far as I’m concerned.
Do you feel like the type of lover you’re attracted to is influenced by your exposure to porn?
To a degree. It’s interesting to see how the ideal female figure has changed over the last 100 years. What I’m into today based on my upbringing in the 90s – thin women with big breasts – is different from the fuller figured, big booty bitches guys coming up now are probably more drawn to.
Have you noticed a shift towards harder core porn over the years and if so, what are your thoughts on the matter?
Porn has definitely become more hardcore. I remember how sexy the Calvin Klein underwear ads were considered back in the 90s. Now, people are having to watch shit like Two Girls, One Cup to feel that same level of arousal. It’s all about relativity. If you live in an Orthodox society where the women wear long dresses, men will fantasize about women’s knees.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say porn has ruined sex but I think it has seriously undermined the filth factor of earlier times. We’ve become so desensitized s a culture. Stuff that was considered taboo 10 years or 20 years ago is now seen as vanilla. I wish I could travel back in time to the gritty, sex booth scene of 1970s New York.
Have you or would you ever be interested in doing amateur porn with a partner?
I’m a photography hobbyist so I’ve definitely done the whole erotica thing with women I’ve dated, as well as photographing stuff for strip clubs. I’ve also been with a girl who does OnlyFans and she’s filmed herself having sex with me, where my face has been cut out. But it’s never gone beyond that. I wouldn’t be opposed to going further, as long as I could maintain my anonymity. I would also love to experience being on a porn set.
I would have no problem dating a woman who had worked in porn. It wouldn’t be my first time dating a woman with a sex work background. But I wouldn’t want to be with someone who was still doing porn just because it would weird me out thinking like, “There she goes, off to get double penetrated by two random dudes today.” It’s not a moral judgement by any means, just more about my own level of comfort.
Does it turn you on hearing your sexual partner talk about the kind of porn they are into?
No. It sounds like a millennial trying to be exciting.
Any funny porn related stories you have?
Nothing crazy. When I was 16 or so, I had these navy blue pajamas that I slept in. I would jack off with Nivea hand cream and my pajama bottoms would be covered with white stuff all around the crotch. I don’t know how my mother never said anything. I miss those days. Hiding porn magazines at the back of my closet was far more exciting than online porn today.
Any additional comments?
Like I said, I’ve gone through phases of not watching porn, where I’ll only jack off to art photography. I think that sort of proves that whatever you turn your interest to, you can get into – no matter how vanilla or extreme it is.
Jules
Based in Brooklyn, Jules has dedicated her twenties towards harnessing her pussy power, exploring the muse, whore, and wild woman archetypes along the way. When not blogging, you can find her sweating the toxins out in a hot yoga class or sipping a matcha latte at a pretentious coffee shop, whilst she scribbles away in her journal.
