Nothing- and I mean nothing (!!!) cringes me out more than the idea of roleplay experiences in the bedroom. You really think that in my spare time I’m going to hit up a fancy dress store, purchase (with my hard earned money) an overpriced sexy nurse outfit, wait until my partner is tucked up in bed and then sneak off to the bathroom and saunter out in some itchy latex getup with a stethoscope round my neck and start asking if my ‘patient’ is feeling ok? Hell no!
The thought of roleplay makes me think: Can sex really get *that* boring that you resort to pretending to be someone else to keep it fun?
Okay- the truth is, all of the above is what I used to think. But being the open minded free spirit that I am, I stand by the idea that it’s not what you do, it’s the way that you do it.
Of course, roleplay doesn’t have to be so on-the-nose. That’s just the stereotypical idea of it.
I have since come to learn the magical allure of roleplay and why it’s not just for people who are trying to ‘spice up’ their dying sex life.
So here I am, to share my wisdom on the ways to roleplay right, without feeling like a complete clown. Buckle up.
Start simple with roleplay
If you’re new to roleplay, the best way to start is by very subtly incorporating it into your usual sex.
It’s always going to be a little bit cringe if you plan too much. Like getting completely dressed up as if you’re about to act out a pantomime. Or planning a detailed elaborate story that you’re both supposed to follow.
Plus, it’s just going to be too much to think about and kill the vibe. Start simple, it’s about throwing in a little comment during sexy time and seeing how your partner responds.
Then if it goes well, you can gradually you can start to explore more complex ideas in your roleplay.
Show rather than tell
Conceptualising and talking about things too much can eventually just turn us off. Instead of going over and over what you want to do, just start doing it.
People aren’t as stupid as we sometimes take them to be and even the most subtle bodily movement or change in behaviour can suggest a lot.
Instead of saying ‘I want to be a naughty school girl and I want you to be the headteacher that punishes me into good behaviour’ just start acting that way.
It doesn’t mean wearing a school uniform and calling them ‘sir’ or ‘mam’ non stop, it can be acting a little bratty and when they tell you to cut it out you just smile sweetly and say ‘make me’.
Once you’re more confident in your role you can start playing up to it more…
Build on what you’ve got
Natural dynamics, natural dynamics, natural d y n a m i c s !!! The key to everything.
Building from the emotional bond that already exists between you means a much smoother and authentic roleplay experience. If you love taking care of your partner and have that natural, feminine motherly vibe, then roleplaying as a nurse makes sense.
Or if you have something in real life that you can use- you might be an artist or a fitness instructor and you can play on these things, the artist can draw their partner nude, the fitness instructor can ‘train’ their client, and you can sort of act out the roles of artist and model without having to actually say ‘oo let’s do roleplay’…
Detached roleplay
Sometimes your fantasy might not be feasible with your partner. Instead of trying to play out something completely unrealistic, here’s an instance where you can talk about it instead.
You might be lying in bed together and you can bring up something you’re into. It might be a gang bang. You can explain that it’s only a fantasy, but it gets you hot.
If they respond well, then together you can start half dreaming about the scenario together, getting into the heated deets.
This is always a fun predecessor to sex and often results in changing the energy of the sex that you then have, and it’s definitely one of the least cringe ways to explore roleplay.
Have fun with roleplay
One of my biggest mistakes in roleplay was to take it so seriously. Why? Because it’s not serious!
Actually, being super serious only makes the whole thing more farcical, especially if the role-play is very ‘out-there’.
People are often afraid to smile during sex but they worry that it seems as though they’re not taking it seriously. But the point of sex is that you gradually get into it.
You shouldn’t have to suddenly switch the ‘sex version’ of yourself on. If you’re not having fun with roleplay and saying it in half-jest with just a hint of seriousness, it’s bound to be cringe. Sorry, not sorry.
Find your roleplay match
If you don’t have a partner, or you feel like your lovers don’t understand your fantasies, someone out there does. So why not find them?
If you want to get better at roleplay, or you want to find someone who is into a very specific fantasy that you’re also into, Sensuali is about facilitating the best tailored roleplay experiences possible for everyone involved. There’s no shame in simply seeking out better sex.
Create a safe space
I know people hear buzz words like ‘safe space’ and think yeah ok whatever but all a safe space means is both people feeling genuinely chilled enough to be themselves and say yes when they want to say yes and no when they want to say no.
A ‘safe space’ as we call it = the sexiest space. For real. The best sex comes from people feeling like they can just be without having to perform or be shy.
That safe space is created by establishing trust and expelling fear. You do this by listening to one another, respecting boundaries, being honest (honesty breeds honesty), and both being confident enough in your bond to know not to take it personally if the other person isn’t feeling it and wants to stop.
So the next time you hear someone talking about roleplay, try not to let your preconceptions of cringey nurse outfits take over.
Roleplay is more than just roleplay.
- It encourages communication, which plays a big part in good sex.
- It promotes open discussions about desires and boundaries, discussions that you might not have otherwise.
- And it’s just fun! It can make sex which feels heavy and pressured into something light and playful. The ‘cringe’ mindset only comes from fear.
So go forth, free yourself from your judgemental chains and explore the world of roleplay on Sensuali without expectation or fear. What have you got to lose?
Iso
Iso is a writer and filmmaker based in East London. She is passionate about all things erotic and leads a sexy, shame-free life in hope that she can inspire others to do the same. Originally from a Northern seaside town, she is naturally drawn to the best things in life: candyfloss, trashy karaoke bars and heart-shaped sunglasses.
