Sensual massage is probably one of the most diverse types of sexual profession, coming in many different forms. Each masseuse has their own limits. Sometimes, clients can abuse the blurred lines within the massage industry and cross boundaries they know they shouldn’t.
That’s why it’s very important to be as clear as you can when you start out as a sensual masseuse. And not just for your boundaries to be respected, but for your client’s to be as well. I chatted to Tilly, a Manchester based sensual masseuse, who specialises in FBSM. She gave me her top tips on achieving clarity and respect in massage sessions.
Know Your Massages.
“This is rule number 1. There’s so many different varieties of massage and they all include different etiquettes. For example, some masseuses will keep their clothes on when giving a massage, some will keep their underwear on, and some will go totally commando.
Some massages include the typical ‘happy ending’, but some don’t. Different types of massage all have different purposes, some are more for pure pleasure and some are for healing purposes. So it’s good to know what’s right for you.
Once you’ve figured that out and got some training, you need to be as clear as possible on your profile about the type of massage that you do, and what it entails.
Just as important as stating what you will do, is stating what you won’t do. Or saying something along the lines of ‘The things listed here are the only things that I do in my practice. Anything not included, I am not willing to do.”
Have an Open Discussion Before the Session.
“This is the most important thing to me. Even if you spell out what you’re willing and not willing to do on your profile, people might still try and abuse, and then claim that they didn’t read that part of your profile. So you must reiterate.
It might sound OTT, but the best thing is to copy and paste what your profile says in a private message to your client and make them confirm that they understand. Then when you meet up, you should reiterate once more what your boundaries are before you begin the session.
You basically need to always assume that they haven’t read any of your profile, because even if they have, they can say they didn’t and use that as a way to abuse. Use this conversation as an opportunity to ask what they would like in the session; if they would rather silence or conversation, if there’s anywhere they don’t want to be touched.
Having a chat like this beforehand also means that there won’t be interruptions and misunderstandings in the middle of the session that will mess with the mood you’ve created.”
Payment Before the Session
“An obvious one, but always make sure your client pays you after your conversation, just before the session begins. This avoids a situation where they push for ‘extras’ and you refuse, the situation turns sour and they try to get out of paying you the full amount, or anything at all.
If anyone puts up a fight about paying beforehand, they’re trying to take advantage. It’s a well known industry procedure to pay before the session.”
Take the Lead
“As a masseuse, and in any forms of sex work, the power dynamics can be varied. Clients sometimes think that because they are paying you, they have the power. They might make inappropriate jokes, ask intrusive questions, and have a patronising tone. These are all indicators that they believe they have the power in the situation.
Experienced sex workers take back the power by exerting their professionalism. From the moment they meet their client, they take the lead, they consciously provide a service, which communicates that they are not some vulnerable victim that the client can take advantage of.
Adopt this angle from the get-go by leading the conversation, guiding your client through the session by letting them know what you’re doing at various points. Not only does this give you the power, but it allows them to emotionally surrender and relax into the session properly.
Many masseuses hate when their client is constantly checking the clock, so to resolve this, you can gently remind them of the time halfway through. Little details like this are what makes a session feel professional and helps build respect.”
Don’t Let Stuff Slide
“If a client starts doing something you’re totally uncomfortable with- for example, if they touch you and you don’t like it, immediately point it out. When people try to abuse, they often start in a small way (this is usually intentional).
They might lightly stroke you, and you might feel as if it would be overly dramatic to point it out and tell them to stop. It’s not. And they often start lightly as a way to test the waters, to see if you’re going to be willing to let your guard down.
It’s important to address their actions immediately: ‘I do the touching in a session, I’m not comfortable with being touched. Please don’t do that again.’ You don’t need to be aggressive, but you do need to be direct. You also have every right to stop the session the moment you feel uncomfortable.
You might feel guilty for setting boundaries and being firm. The reality is that if you let somebody do something to do that you don’t want, you will feel resentful and it will probably show in one way or another. The person who tries to cross boundaries knows what they’re doing.
They are testing to see what they can get away with. I learnt the hard way, that setting boundaries only makes your clients respect you more, and filters out any clients who are truly looking to abuse.”
Iso
Iso is a writer and filmmaker based in East London. She is passionate about all things erotic and leads a sexy, shame-free life in hope that she can inspire others to do the same. Originally from a Northern seaside town, she is naturally drawn to the best things in life: candyfloss, trashy karaoke bars and heart-shaped sunglasses.
