In this day and age, you don’t need to have all the money in the world to get yourself a sugar babe. In fact, I have gone on dates with the richest of the rich but if they do (or don’t do) certain things, I won’t be meeting them again. In the same respect, I’ve gone on dates with guys who aren’t really all that rich but they’ve known exactly what to do- these are the people that I ended up having long term arrangements with. Here’s what they did right.
1. Talk About the Sugar
To me, this one is very important for a number of reasons. First of all, it’s the gentlemanly thing to do. You are the one handing out the sugar, so it’s way more comfortable for everyone involved if you bring it up, rather than forcing the baby to do so (no one wants to have to beg for something). Secondly, shying away from the money topic makes you look like you’re a cheapskate trying to see if you can get away with a free fuck, which is never a good look. It’s ultra important to be overt about money when it comes to sugaring, because the people that do it have normally not been involved in other forms of sex work and don’t really know how it all works. Meaning they’re way more at risk of being screwed over. So the clearer you are about money, the better. ‘What type of arrangement are you looking for?’ doesn’t cut it. Not everyone is going to see what you’re getting at when you say that. Finally, the sooner you bring up the sugar, the sooner your baby will be able to relax and open up to you properly. So it’s a win-win.
I know some daddies find that being overt about the money ‘ruins the magic’ or makes it less exciting. But in reality, it’s only awkward if you make it awkward. The most attractive daddies are the ones who seem to truly want to pamper and spoil their baby- just as I’m sure the most attractive babies are the ones who seem to truly give themselves during the time they spend with their daddy. So casually bring it up over message before meeting, and failing that, bring it up when you meet in person (BEFORE intimacy). If she doesn’t mention it, it’s because she’s waiting for you to. The same goes for actually handing over the sugar- doing this before you get sexy is always going to work out better for you both, because it puts your baby’s mind at rest and she’ll be way more at ease afterwards.
2. Show Your Thoughtfulness
You might not think that little things make a big difference. You are wrong. It can honestly be something as small as enclosing your money gift in a little card with a sweet message. This is infinitely better than a wad of cash pushed into your palm. I have a friend who has a long term daddy that she sees every once in a while. Each time they meet, he brings a little picnic of her favourite things from Whole Foods and a book he thinks she’ll like (they’re both literary fanatics). This isn’t expensive or showy, but it’s one of the main reasons why she continues to see him. It makes what could be a quite mechanical hotel meet into something so much sweeter.
Prove your thoughtfulness from the offset. When you first message a baby, mention something specific about their profile to show you’re actually interested in them. This is the first thing to sugar babies that differentiates the good daddies from the not-so-good daddies. If you’ve been messaging for a while and seem to be getting along, or you’ve video called and you hit it off, why not send a little gift before you meet? Again, it really doesn’t need to be expensive. It’s something that wouldn’t take too much effort, but really sets you apart from the other guys, and so it’s going to make your sugar success rate much higher.
3. Vulnerability is Strength
Nothing screams insecure more than a man who doesn’t smile. Do not fear! Being friendly doesn’t make you look weak! Rather, it does the opposite. A ‘real’ man is at ease enough with himself to be open and vulnerable. There’s a big difference between mentoring and mansplaining. My mansplaining dates have been one-way conversations. Sat across a dinner table listening to long-winded explanations. Attempting to give my input only to have my sentences cut short. My mentoring dates have been truly insightful discussions where two people coming from very different backgrounds share perspectives and really listen to one another. This type of sharing is just as intimate as physical intimacy (and it makes that part even better).
The mansplaining dates are usually the same dates who bad mouth other sugar arrangements they’ve had, and other women in general (the ex-wife is usually the target). Sorry but this isn’t gonna get us on side. It only makes us feel like you’re a woman hater and that you’re probably formulating negative opinions about us too. I love when my sugar daddies are kind to the people we interact with- waiters, bartenders etc. Most sugar babies are normal girls who have worked these jobs themselves, so it’s a major turn off when daddies are rude to people who work in service. It’s way more attractive to be kind.
If you really want to impress, be transparent rather than pretending to be something you’re not. When I ask a guy why he does sugaring and he says it’s because he genuinely enjoys being ‘stimulated by young minds’, I honestly cringe a little bit. This might be the case, but I’m pretty sure the main reason you sugar date is because you want to have sex with young, attractive women. And that’s totally expected and okay. The truth is hot.
4. Show Respect, Give Choice
You may be helping someone out financially, but that doesn’t allow you to do whatever you want with that person. Sugaring puts the babies at risk of feeling obliged to do whatever their daddy wants sexually because he’s the one with the money. Nowadays I know better than this, and I would never allow someone to push their luck. But when you first start sugaring, you can feel unsure about how to set boundaries. Especially if the sexual relationships is dom/sub, you feel as though you have to go along with everything. As a daddy, you’re very likely the older, more experienced person in the arrangement, so take the responsibility to ask if they have any do’s and don’ts, if you should wear protection, if they’re open to trying this or that- whatever it is- ASK. Never just assume.
This also applies for what you guys do together in general. It’s cool for you to arrange a date somewhere, but maybe check in with them first if they’re okay with going to the place you’re booking. Normally a restaurant or bar that isn’t too busy and has hidden away seating is perfect. But it might just be that your date knows someone who works at the specific place you’ve booked. Discretion is crucial, so it’s best to always check. If you both want physical intimacy on the first date, at least offer to go somewhere for a drink first. This will make your sugar baby feel a lot safer, and it’ll give you both a chance to see if you actually connect. When a daddy tries to arrange a date straight at a hotel or his place, I don’t respond. If you want this, at least suggest it as an option along with other options.
Okay, so it’s always exciting to play with power in bed, but when the power is actually unbalanced in everyday life, the relationship soon becomes problematic and eventually boring. One of the worst things a daddy can do is strip his baby of making everyday choices and try to control her when they’re together. Firstly, telling someone how to dress for the first date ‘No make-up, casual outfit’ etc. immediately gives off a bad impression. It’s never going to work out long-term if your baby is not able to actually be herself around you. And even in the short-term, if she turns up dressed in a way that she doesn’t feel comfortable, it’s going to affect her behaviour and the date won’t be as good as it could be for the both of you.
Once you’ve established more of a serious arrangement with someone, it’s even more necessary to make sure the relationship is balanced. Because daddy has the money, it’s easy for his sugar baby to feel she doesn’t get to have a say in how you both spend your time together. So include her! Ask if there’s anything she would like to do, any place she wants to show you. And when you do buy her things- be it food in a restaurant or clothes in a shop, for the love of god, please let her decide what she wants, rather than making the choice for her. It’s like because you’re paying, you don’t want her to have the freedom to enjoy the luxuries of your lifestyle unless you’re involved. It’s immature. When I’m out with a daddy and he gives me some pocket money to go off and do my own thing for a bit, I really appreciate it, and can see that he’s not possessive. Sugaring is two adult humans forming a relationship. Giving your baby as much autonomy as possible is always a winner.
Iso
Iso is a writer and filmmaker based in East London. She is passionate about all things erotic and leads a sexy, shame-free life in hope that she can inspire others to do the same. Originally from a Northern seaside town, she is naturally drawn to the best things in life: candyfloss, trashy karaoke bars and heart-shaped sunglasses.
