Back when we started film school together back in 2019, both K* and myself had no clue that the other had ever done sex work. We connected more when we saw that we both enjoyed making films about sexuality and we learnt a little bit about each other’s past, but we never got the chance to ever discuss in detail.
Now, four years later, we reconnect on Zoom, and all the secrets come out…
I: Hey, K! It’s been a while. Tell me (and the readers) a little bit about yourself!
K: I’m living in London, I’m still working in the film industry. I’m 27 now, aaaand I’m still a Taurus!
I: I just click with Taurus..it’s my sister’s sign too.
K: Taurus gang!
I: So I know that you dabbled in sex work before but I never knew any of the deets. Do tell!
K: This happened the summer of 2016, I was in university doing my first degree, I was in New York. As a Caribbean guy, there’s a lot of Caribbean people that go to the US and do like, summer jobs that are off the book, because they’re visiting on a visa and they’re not working ‘legally’.
So I was just told that I need to go to NY and when I got there I could find a job and that’s how I would pay for my school fee. But when I went, I wasn’t getting jobs and I realised it was a lot more difficult. So a friend of mine told me I could find a job on Craigslist.
So as I was looking for those jobs on Craigslist, I saw that people were putting up jobs for sexual favours and thought.. Ok, I could possibly do that. And when I eventually became desperate, I put up an ad saying something along the lines of like ‘Caribbean person visiting…will do…interested in…’ but I wasn’t going to have sexual intercourse but I was willing to do other things.
So I had a few people respond to me and I ended up with an older white man in his penthouse apartment and I jerked off on his glass table, and he just watched. And another time I gave someone head.
I: Was it a big deal for you to make the decision to escort ?
K: I mean, I’ve heard this statement in porn, like ‘oh, you’re money motivated’ but that fully made sense to me at the time. Like, I knew I was going to get $100 to just cum on a glass table. So especially at the time I was very motivated. And the guy seemed cool, you know.
It was obviously a weird situation to be in, but that one was fine. The second time where I gave someone head was more of a complicated situation. In that one, I felt like I was compromising my values because it potentially could’ve been a dangerous or hostile environment- like I felt somewhat unsafe in some moments.
So I really had to stand my ground and say ‘No I’m not going to do that’ when they were trying to offer me more money to do more. And that’s when it felt a lot more like I was putting myself in a situation where someone is trying to like put a price on me.
And it made me ask myself the question: ‘how far are you willing to go?’ and I found out that I wasn’t willing to go that far. Or at least, that the money offered wasn’t tall enough…because you know…if I was going to actually have sex it would have to be good money.
I: So the second time sort of turned you off from doing it again?
K: Yeah, I guess. And I had a partner at the time and he was in New York as well, and I was doing this in secret. He was financially stable and I wasn’t and I felt kind of guilty about it. There were a lot of things at the time playing into me thinking.. Yeah this aint it.
I wouldn’t say I was turned off by it or I wouldn’t do it again. I’ve actually looked into doing that sort of thing again, but for me it just doesn’t make sense…the average amount of money for smaller sexual favours just isn’t worth it. Like I would have to jerk off on a table a lot of times, just to buy one meal…you know what I mean?
If I could do one or two and make my rent then maybe, but if I have to do 10, I might as well just get a real job.
I: Yeah, I totally get you. Did you know much about the sex work world at the time?
K: No. That was my introduction to it. I was very scared to even put my number up on the ad but I just thought fuck it. I think if someone had given me a proper guide and showed me a good site to use, then maybe I would’ve been more into it.
I: Did you tell anybody about it?
K: Only close friends. They were cool with it. I wouldn’t say it’s something I am *ashamed* of, it’s an experience, but it’s not something that I would be proud to say in a public setting because there’s a stigma.
I: Yeah. So you don’t judge yourself for it but you know other people might change their opinion on you because of it and you just can’t be bothered with the agg.
K: Yeah. Exactly.
I: Did you get any female responses to your ad?
K: Yeah. It was mostly men but there were some women. I think sex work on Craigslist was quite sleazy which maybe made me see it in that way too as that was my introduction to it.
I: I also didn’t know anything about sex work when I started sugar and I tried to make it feel like this ‘fun adventure’ and try however I could to enjoy the intimacy I had with the guys so that it didn’t feel like cold hard ‘work’. Was that the same for you at all?
K: The first time didn’t feel as much like work. We had good conversation, it was in a nice flat, the guy seemed like a decent person. But the second time I really felt like I was doing something that I didn’t want to do. Or more, I felt like I was in a space with someone who I didn’t want to be in a space with.
I: Did you feel as though you wanted to leave?
K: Yes and I did consider that, but I was worried about not getting the money. So in my mind, I was thinking ‘How do I still get what I want, whilst not giving into to everything this person is demanding?’
I: I guess it’s interesting with you having 2 experiences so contrasting- like one that was good and one that was bad. How do you feel about the current buzzword of ‘empowerment’ around sex work. Did you feel empowered?
K: Hm. I don’t think so because I did it out of desperation. For people who get there out of it being just another option, then it can be empowering I guess.
We all need to find a way to make money to survive in the world and whatever that is, if you love to do it, then I’m sure that means it’s empowering, right?
Even if you’re submissive in it, you can be submissive in a sexual act, and that can feel empowering for you, right? So for those few who do choose to do it, I’m sure it can be super empowering.
But if I’m honest, I think most people arrive at sex work do so out of a feeling of not having many other options. I don’t think it would be *most* people’s first choice.
So for those people, I think it’s not that empowering at its core, but you can still probably try to find empowerment within it, but it’s more of a conscious attempt to try and feel okay with it.
I: Do you think that the medium on which you do sex work, like Craigslist, or an escort site, or street work- can have an effect on how empowering it can feel?
K: Yeah like I can imagine that if I was a conventional beauty and I was able to make a lot of money on something online like OnlyFans, I can imagine me going to the gym, taking pictures and thinking to myself ‘Oh yeah, people are going to eat this shit up’ I would feel empowered.
I think the medium on which you advertise plus the circumstance you’re in at the time, plus you as a person, are all things that can affect how empowering it can feel.
At the time I was a broke and desperate student but if now, at 26, I was thinking of doing OnlyFans, best believe I would be curating my page with a sense of pride. Because it’s a proper choice. It’s not rushed, it’s not desperate. I don’t need to do it. That makes all the difference.
I: Totally. I think empowerment is about feeling able to make choices. So when you’re not desperate for money, that gives you more choice.
However I have still had disempowering experiences when I haven’t been desperate, and that’s because I have felt guilty to leave.
It’s not that I’m staying because I still need to get my dough, it’s because I feel nervous to state that I’m not comfortable. I don’t feel as though I have a choice.
So I think it’s also about being at a point in your life where you’re mature enough and have that inner confidence to make choices and get out of a situation where you don’t feel comfortable.
K: That’s so true. There were two sides of it for me personally in that it undeniably feels empowering in a way to know that people are getting off on you and your body, it’s flattering. The other side of the coin is thinking ‘is that all I’m good for?’
I: Yeah, I definitely felt both of those ways. As a queer person, did you have any preference to escorting with male or female clients?
K: In my case the only clients I had were men, though I did get women responding to my ad, but nowhere near as many. I can imagine that if I had a female client, it could be quite different.
Like, if I had a female client who just wants my dick and wants to be fucked, I feel like that would potentially make it easier in terms of feeling empowered. Whereas me having to suck a guy or be a bottom, I do think that inherently feels a bit less empowering. For me personally.
I: I do think it does set the power dynamics. Would you ever do any form of sex work again?
K: Yes but not as a primary job. I would do it discreetly. And I would want big money.
I: I’m sure you could be getting 1k per hour honestly!!
K: If you know anyone, let me know Isa, let me know! I’m just not willing to spend time working my way up in the industry. I don’t want to devote my time to it, but if it happened easily where I could get big money, I’d definitely consider.
I: I would definitely consider posting an ad as ‘high *high* end’ escort, where I would barely think about it and if I got a booking like once every month, I would do it.
K: I feel like that’s a good way to go about it!
I: Right? K, thank you so much for taking the time out to talk to me. It was good to catch up!
K: Take care Isa!
*Names have been altered to protect participant’s privacy.
Iso
Iso is a writer and filmmaker based in East London. She is passionate about all things erotic and leads a sexy, shame-free life in hope that she can inspire others to do the same. Originally from a Northern seaside town, she is naturally drawn to the best things in life: candyfloss, trashy karaoke bars and heart-shaped sunglasses.
