See below for the best sex work career for you based on star signs and silly nonsensical stereotypes.
Aries: The Dominatrix
Known for their strength, Aries are born leaders who love to take charge. As dominators of life, playing dominatrix in the bedroom comes naturally to them. But of course, domming is about so much more than being in control. It’s about listening to your sub’s needs and respecting their boundaries. As fire signs, Aries have a tendency to be impatient and overly aggressive when they don’t get their way, so it’s essential for them to take things slow and check in with their subs throughout each kink sesh. The last thing anyone wants is a situation where the dom is violating the sub. Always remember that the sub has all the power, and if you are considering domming as a means of taking out your rage against the patriarchy, think again. True doms (consensually) inflict pain on their subs because they love to give, not because they want to transfer their own hurt onto others.
Taurus: The Sensual Masseuse
As earth signs, Tauruses get a reputation for being grounded and dependable. They are great listeners and bring a balancing energy to the people they spend time with. Tauruses are also deeply sensual beings who love to indulge their senses. Whether it’s drinking a glass of fine wine or taking a bubble bath, Tauruses know how to savor every moment of a decadent experience. When it comes to sex, it’s all about the foreplay, which makes the sensual massage the perfect sex work match for the Taurus. Leave it to these vibe masters to create a relaxing environment where clients can unwind and receive. With the right playlist, aromatherapy combo, and healing energy, you will be amazed by how far up your ass you will let a trustworthy Taurus stick their fingers.
Gemini: The Cam Girl
Geminis are amazing communicators. As air signs, they are highly adaptable, with an uncanny ability to read energy and call out bullshitters. In Latin, Gemini translates to twins, which speaks to the dual nature of this zodiac sign. Camming is the perfect sex work path for the Gemini because it allows them to create an internet persona separate from their true selves. This protects them from taking trolling too personally while enabling them to bask in their two-faced glory. What’s more is that their love of analytics makes it easy for them to keep track of who watches when, what performances and outfits are most popular, and what people are saying in the comment section. By making use of this feedback loop, Gemini cam girls will have no problem building their following and becoming sex work influencers.
Cancer: The Dinner Companion
As the cardinal water sign, Cancers are super in touch with their emotions, allowing them to connect and empathize with virtually anyone. They are known for having many layers to their personality, which protects their delicate essence from getting hurt. Their depth makes them excellent conversationalists because the more you get to know them, the more you are able to peel the layers away and see a new side of them. Needless to say, a date with a Cancer is never boring. Due to their highly sensitive nature, Cancers are typically not as a free spirited when it comes to sex. While it may be a struggle for them to casually exchange sex for money, a Cancer is bound to excel in the role of non-sexual escort aka the dinner companion. Whether it’s happy hour with a client seeking a girlfriend experience or a black tie event where an ethereal, charming trophy date is needed to make a man shine amongst his coworkers, Cancers will do you right.
Leo: The Stripper
Leos are famous for both their confidence and attention-whore tendencies, making them the ultimate performers. Their fiery charisma draws people in like a moth to a flame and they feed on social interaction. Stripping is the sex work gig that best feeds their egos because it allows them to perform in front of a whole a room of people, as opposed to getting stuck sweet talking one lonely dude all night. Furthermore, a Leo’s boldness and competitive nature will help fast track her to becoming the pole dancing goddess she was born to be. No twist, flip, or strip is too much for these daring divas. Whatever establishment a Leo stripper works at better have all their gear in tip top shape because the last thing anyone needs is a stunt gone wrong. Said establishment also better be providing the most glitzy gettups imaginable because the glamor puss Leo loves to express herself through her fabulous sense of style.
Virgo: The Agency Escort
Virgos are known for their attention to detail and love of order. As earth signs, they are highly reliable and love to be of service to others. They have a knack for transforming chaos into zen with their no nonsense pragmatism. Their favorite tool is their calendar, which they use to obsessively schedule any and everything, from lunch plans to spin class. Sex work can get quite messy. Clients are known to be flakey. Sometimes they are a no show, other times they get sketchy when the time comes to pay up. That’s why the agency escort is the perfect fit for the Virgo. All dates are scheduled through the agency, rates are set, and clients are held accountable if they do their special friends wrong. This structure will save Virgos the headache of having to play clown wrangler themselves. Meanwhile, the high standards demanded by agencies when it comes to appearance will be no challenge for the perfectionist Virgo.
Libra: The Brothel Bae
Libras are the ultimate go-with-the-flow-ers. They are super down to earth and possess the enviable skill of making friends with everyone they meet. As air signs, they are able to shape shift, role playing whatever character their client needs them to be at any given time. Their sense of ease makes them the perfect brothel bae. You never know who to expect at the brothel. This can be a nightmare for some, but not for the low maintenance Libra. They know how to roll with the punches and make the best out of any situation. What’s more is that brothels are all about community. The sisterhood amongst the sex workers in a brothel is no joke. So no matter how grotesque or brash your client ends up being, rest assured you will have an amazing support network of sexually empowered queens to vent to. Prone to boredom, the social butterfly Libra will have no problem staying stimulated in the dynamic brothel environment.
Scorpio: The Burlesque Dancer
Scorpios get a reputation for being complex and moody. As water signs, they have a deep understanding of the human psyche. The Scorpio is the ultimate seductress, skillfully manipulating the push and pull of sexuality and desire. They love to play games, which makes them aptly suited for burlesque. Burlesque dancers are experts at reading a room and building up excitement. For them, it’s all about the slow burn. They use their body as an instrument, mesmerizing their audience with their sensual movements and carnal energy. The end game? To have everyone on the edge of their seat, present and aroused. Scorpios are naturals when it comes to this sort of cat and mouse game. They are able to stare deep into your soul and give you everything you didn’t know you needed. Proceed with caution.
Sagittarius: The Call Girl
Like their fire sign counterparts, Sagittariuses love a good adventure. They are known for their spontaneity and despise having to stay in the same place for too long. The world is their playground and they take joy in experiencing all the shades of gray life has to offer. Sagittariuses are unafraid of the dangers of solo escorting. The risk of meeting up with a stranger in a hotel room and potentially ending up dead American Psycho style is terrifying for most, but not for this star sign. The Sagittarius lives life on the edge, fueled by a healthy combination of adrenaline and hedonism. Getting to pick their own clients and drop them accordingly when they get too stalker-y or just plain annoying suits the constantly changing Sagittarius lifestyle well. All Sagittariuses want is to have some fun. What’s more enjoyable than getting pampered and paid to have the crazy sex you were planning on having anyways, Pretty Woman style?
Capricorn: The Madame
Known for their ruthless ambition, Capricorns are the ultimate go-getters. They don’t get bogged down by romance or fantasy, preferring to invest their time and energy into building something real. As earth signs, they are often considered to be rocks within their communities, serving as sources of support and wisdom to their many admirers. As such, a Capricorn makes for the perfect madame. Oftentimes, madames start out as escorts before working their way up the totem pole. This gives them a 360 degree view of things, enabling them to be more empathetic and nurturing towards their underlings than a standard pimp. But don’t let their motherly nature fool you. Madames mean business and are not afraid to play hard ball. Like Capricorns, Madames are able to weather any storm that comes their way, be it disrespectful clients, STD outbreaks, or police raids.
Aquarius: The Art House Porn Star
Aquarians live for marching to the beat of their own drums. They tend to be the intellectual type and love running circles around others about why their alternative way of doing something is superior to everyone else’s. They are also very into freedom of expression. Known for their humanitarian sensibility, they love to say “fuck you” to the oppressive power structures responsible for keeping the little men down. You will likely find no better champion for an oppressed group of peoples, such as sex workers, than an Aquarius. In fact, an Aquarius is likely to become a sex worker just because it is considered to be outside the norms of conventions. But not just any sex worker. An Aquarius must be true to her bohemian roots, making the art house porn star her preferred expression of sex work. Her indie adult films will likely focus on female pleasure and double as a political message about the dangers of the patriarchy.
Pisces: The Sugar Baby
Like their water sign counterparts, Pisces are deeply misunderstood. Their intuition and sensitivity often go under appreciated by our aggro, warrior-glorifying society. But don’t let their soft nature fool you. Pisces are visionaries and can make for great, forward-thinking leaders. They tend to have an ethereal nature to them, often gravitating towards creative outlets that allow them to express their dreaminess. Of all the zodiac signs, Pisces are the most likely to benefit from a sugar daddy arrangement. Delicate little flowers, Pisces need to surround themselves with people who not only understand them but who will go to great lengths to protect them, rather than take advantage. By going the sugar baby route, a Pisces will likely find the kind, older gentleman she needs to show her the way. He can help her forge a lucrative career path while shielding her from the harsh realities of the world.
Jules
Based in Brooklyn, Jules has dedicated her twenties towards harnessing her pussy power, exploring the muse, whore, and wild woman archetypes along the way. When not blogging, you can find her sweating the toxins out in a hot yoga class or sipping a matcha latte at a pretentious coffee shop, whilst she scribbles away in her journal.
