The psychological dominatrix: meet Ava Sheridon

Meet Ava Sheridon. She’s a professional dominatrix as well as clinical hypnotherapist. Through combining these passions, she calls herself the inappropriate therapist or the kinky lifestyle coach. In other words, she’s a psychological dominatrix, with 9 years of professional experience.

When Sensuali chat to Ava on a Wednesday afternoon, her 9 years of experience in the field are very evident. She speaks with open-minded intelligence, poise and infectious good-humour as she shares her opinions and experiences as a psychological dominatrix. 

How did you become a psychological dominatrix?

In 2011, I used to write bespoke erotic fiction. There was a company in Brighton who did these sexy gift baskets with candles, lingerie and erotic fiction. There was a short story tailored to each client. A lot of the requests were becoming more kinky, and I didn’t really know anything about the kink scene. 

So for research purposes, I went to the erotica ball in London. It was the first time I wore a latex dress with no underwear in public, and it was also the first time that I went to a club and felt entirely liberated and comfortable in my sexuality without feeling prayed upon. 

In a regular nightclub, guys would be groping you, trying to dance up behind you, but in BDSM events, the rules have to be so strict around consent, otherwise the whole environment doesn’t really work. I found it fascinating that I felt safer in a BDSM space than in a normal club.

I met a couple there and I eventually entered into their relationship, so we were a throuple for a few years where I got to experiment as a sub. I gradually realised that I was more dominant than sub and it just developed from there. I’ve been a professional dominatrix since 2014.  I do my BDSM sessions in London and Brighton. It’s just what I feel I want to do.

Did being a sub influence your approach as a psychological dominatrix?

Yes. In my opinion, it’s quite essential to have experienced both sides of the sub/dom dynamic to some extent. Because I’ve been submissive before, when I’m dom I can really get into the headspace of my submissive- I’ve been there. I think you can apply that to many different professional fields as well. For example, a therapist might often specialise in a particular area because they’ve experienced that first-hand at some point previously. It’s coming from a place of understanding and empathy. 

I like to use hypnotherapy because it gets the submissive to completely relax, to go into a trance-like state, I think it intensifies their subspace, and makes the experience more profound for them. 

Tell us more about your services as a psychological dominatrix.

I specifically like working with the mind and making my BDSM sessions very cerebral, which is why I call myself an inappropriate therapist. I like to use hypnotherapy because it gets the submissive to completely relax, to go into a trance-like state, I think it intensifies their subspace, and makes the experience more profound for them. 

Sounding is a niche service that I also offer. It’s the practice of using ‘sounding rods’. They are long metal rods that are used for inserting into the urethra of the penis. They come in different measurements! 

I deliberately don’t see clients under 35. I like to work with guys that know themselves enough to be making the right decision to come and see me. The vast majority are either bankers or they work in IT. There’s very little deviation from that, which is absolutely fascinating to me. 

How would you define yourself in comparison to other dommes?

Definitely in being more of a psychological dominatrix. Everything to do with the mind. I think a lot of my clients are just looking for a space to understand their kinks. They know what they want but they don’t necessarily know why. 

So they go to see a dominatrix and experience something, but they leave feeling a bit flat. It’s like knowing that you’re hungry, so you eat food. But you don’t enjoy the food that you eat that much, so there’s a small amount of satisfaction, but you still feel empty. 

As a psychological dominatrix, we explore the why. There’s often trauma, stigma, shame, guilt, and I help them understand and process these emotions. And I think sex is the mind as well. How can you fully enjoy a sexual experience without having your mind engaged?

Are your clients varied? 

Honestly, no. They generally all have 1 of 3 names, which I won’t say (!). I deliberately don’t see clients under 35. I like to work with guys that know themselves enough to be making the right decision to come and see me. The vast majority are either bankers or they work in IT. There’s very little deviation from that, which is absolutely fascinating to me. 

I like to get to know my clients, so I like regulars. You wouldn’t go to a therapist and expect to have everything cured and fixed after an hour’s session, so that’s what I’m trying to build. 

Talk me through a typical session with you as a psychological dominatrix. 

I always let my clients know that in the first session, we have 15 minutes for an introduction. And it’s only ever a minimum of 2 hours for the first session. I think it’s important to have that time to not feel rushed and to really understand their desires.

I like to get to know my clients, so I like regulars. You wouldn’t go to a therapist and expect to have everything cured and fixed after an hour’s session, so that’s what I’m trying to build. 

What is the most popular service that you provide?

Sometimes I start with clients remotely, using an app called Obedience app. So I set tasks which they have to complete daily. For every complete task, they earn a point. And for every incomplete task, they receive a punishment, and they have to send photo or video proof of doing their punishment. They pay a weekly fee for this. It’s been very popular in the last year, for those clients who are shy and want to get to know me better first before meeting me. 

Any kind of impact play is normally very popular with me.  I have a bruise fetish, so people like to come to me for that. But there isn’t really one specific service that people come for, there’s a wide array!

What’s been the most interesting thing you’ve learnt on your BDSM journey?

Probably that I do have a fetish for bruises and my growing thirst for sadism. I can’t stand pain being inflicted on me- I don’t even like being tickled, I’m neurodivergent and have ADHD, so a lot of sensory stuff is a hard no for me. 

But administering it is such a thrill, and also a privilege, especially when I’m really pushing someone’s boundaries. In the beginning when I was seeing people becoming emotional when I was inflicting the pain, because it’s a very trusting situation. I  would then also become emotional when I saw their emotion. That was really interesting for me. 

I work with people on weight loss, or building the courage to ask their boss for a promotion. I also call myself a kinky life coach, because a lot of people will come to me after trying a fitness coach or a business coach, but it doesn’t work because they get bored, whereas adding kink into the mix helps to keep them on track because it’s exciting. 

What’s the most rewarding thing about what you do?

100% the trust between me and the clients. Being a psychological dominatrix means helping someone come to terms with who they are sexually  and when that happens to them, it also often makes them become so much more confident in many other aspects of their life. 

With Obedience app and the task setting, I work with people on weight loss, or building the courage to ask their boss for a promotion. I also call myself a kinky life coach, because a lot of people will come to me after trying a fitness coach or a business coach, but it doesn’t work because they get bored, whereas adding kink into the mix helps to keep them on track because it’s exciting. 

I’ve never understood how anyone can have any thoughts towards someone else’s sexuality, or their sexual wellbeing practises. To me that is as ridiculous as judging someone for eating a sandwich. It’s just nobody’s business. We’re designed to have sex. So why is it taken as such a wrongdoing when people enjoy it and explore it?

How do you feel about the stigma around sex and BDSM?

To feel strong in this industry you have to really believe in it, and I am so of the belief that there is absolutely nothing wrong with any kind of consensual sex work or any kind of sexuality. It’s in my blood and very ingrained. I think I had my first orgasm when I was about 9.

I’ve never understood how anyone can have any thoughts towards someone else’s sexuality, or their sexual wellbeing practises. To me that is as ridiculous as judging someone for eating a sandwich. It’s just nobody’s business. We’re designed to have sex. So why is it taken as such a wrongdoing when people enjoy it and explore it? Years from now, I think people will look back on our attitude today and find it crazy that it was ever judged in the way that is anyway. 

How do you feel about the current BDSM scene in the UK?

There’s pros and cons to BDSM becoming more mainstream. Pros: acceptance and normalisation. Cons: risk and safety. I think there needs to be a consensus that people follow for how we work within this industry because people are now practising dangerously. People might watch something on TV or read something online and just assume that it’s as easy as they make it look. BDSM done incorrectly can cause lifelong physical damage. This is a real danger that needs to be addressed.

Follow Ava Sheridon on Twitter. 

Discover more BDSM experiences on Sensuali today. 

Iso

Author

Iso is a writer and filmmaker based in East London. She is passionate about all things erotic and leads a sexy, shame-free life in hope that she can inspire others to do the same. Originally from a Northern seaside town, she is naturally drawn to the best things in life: candyfloss, trashy karaoke bars and heart-shaped sunglasses.