What’s considered classy if you’re rich but trashy if you’re poor? One answer would be sex work. It’s music to men’s ears to hear that you’re just dipping your toes in the waters of sex work as a fun little innocent experiment. Or that you’re so super rich that you don’t even want any money for it; you’re just a naughty upper class girl looking to get down and dirty with the commoners! Ooo.
God forbid you’re a woman who actually needs the money. When you’re doing sex work because you could do with the cash, you’re a cheap prostitute! A desperate whore! Selling your body like a piece of meat! We’re all doing the same thing here. Why does the reason make a difference?
I certainly needed the money. I am not so super rich. I am a working class girl from the North of England with an accent that cannot be concealed. But I learnt that in order to get the bread, playing the rich girl who doesn’t need the money can really help.
Before sugar dating, I had never even seen an effing oyster, let alone tried one. As my sugar dating life has progressed, I have gradually become a master of class drag. I kind of hate myself for it, but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. I still don’t say ‘barrrthroom’ though. Everyone has their limits.
Behaviour
From the very beginning, I felt out of my depths around rich daddies. In my childhood, I had gotten into a private school on a scholarship, so had therefore been surrounded by rich kids growing up and I’d always felt like an outsider. At university, this had only intensified, finding myself a minority as a northerner at Russell Group college. Rich people were basically triggering for me. So with the daddies, I behaved a certain way. I wanted them to think I was one of them. So:
- I tried to come across richer than I was. I lied about where I was from and what my parents did for work.
- I didn’t know certain things- about culture, art, food etc. But I tried to pretend that I did.
- I was super nervous and it showed. I talked too much and tried to overcompensate. This subliminally told them that I thought they were better than me. And so they believed it too.
After plenty of sugaring experience, I am much a’ changed lady, and much a’ changed baby. I’ve had enough intimate experiences with rich people to realise that I am just as worthy as they are.
I learnt that you can’t buy class (or taste), and I probably have more of those things than half of the daddies I’ve met put together ! Therefore, my behaviour now:
- I am very willing to say that I’m coming from a poor background. If anything, it makes them view the person I am today as more admirable.
- I always speak up when I don’t know a reference or something that the daddy is talking about. There are plenty of things that I know that they don’t. Plus they have way more life experience than me- of course they’re going to know more.
- When I’m in a social situation with a daddy, I don’t force myself to talk. I’m naturally shy and I can’t just come out with witty one liners that’ll make everyone go ‘harharhar’. When I try and do this, it’s always an epic fail. The only way for me to be true to myself is to be quieter, and open up at my own pace. Before, I thought this was bad. Now I see that it’s okay.
I admittedly always did the whole ‘I’m new to this’ ‘I’m just trying out sugaring’ lines. It was the truth at the start and then I realised it was an attractive thing to say and carried it on. I often think that youth and innocence is even more important to a daddy than class. So if anything, nowadays I’m more guilty of playing on these things instead.
Appearance
I always knew from the start of sugaring that most daddies aren’t looking for their sugar babe to actually look like a sex worker. Instead, they’d rather you look something probably more akin to what their daughter looks like (vom). They often like the casual, girl next door thing.
So I didn’t fuss too much about my outfits. As someone who is kind of poor and likes the messy look anyways, I would be rocking up in a cheap little summer dress and the most scuffed up, falling apart shoes you’ve ever seen. I thought this wouldn’t matter because A- I dressed like this most of the time and still got plenty of male attention and B- I thought my messiness would be fetishised by these richies in a sort of Lolita – bare dirty feet on the dashboard – sort of way.
After getting seriously insulted by some old fart who told me my pink underwear that I’d owned since I was like 17 (and was perhaps on its way out) was a strange choice of lingerie, I was thrown completely off track in my Lolita vibes, and realised how stupid I’d been all along to dress in a way that made it so obvy that I was a broke bitch.
I urgently switched up my game. I went for more of a full on sugar babe vibe and went very class drag. Or at least what I thought was class drag. I wore little black dresses, often pearls, long boots or flat slip ons. Beige colours, tame fits. I never wore anything that had an edge like chunky shoes, leather etc.
Turns out I was bad at class drag. I was trying too hard. I not only looked overdressed half the time, but I felt really uncomfortable and I had stripped myself of anything that represented my true identity.
So eventually, after sugaring for enough time and gaining enough confidence, I came full circle and found my middle ground. I know I trust my own taste- why should I change myself?
I realised that in order to capitalise best on the daddies, I didn’t need to change my entire style, I just needed to be a bit more selective with the items I chose to make myself look presentable. So now, I wear something I would normally wear, but I still do a bit of class drag by making sure I pick out clothes from my ‘drobe that are good quality materials or in other words not the stretchy Asos shite.
It’s no use trying to dress as something entirely different to what you are, because faking it that much never works out in the long term. Plus, all clients will be different in their preferences. At the end of the day, you have to put yourself first and dress how you feel comfortable. You shouldn’t have to change yourself or the way you look for anyone.
So…
The main difference in my sugaring journey is that before I was doing a lot of pretending and afterwards I stopped pretending. My shamelessness made me so much more powerful. By letting go of my class drag- I was actually classier.
However, I can’t lie and say I don’t still class drag a bit. I’m very much aware of my etiquette, my manners, my posture etc. I probably speak a little bit more RP on sugar dates. Although the daddies I meet know I’m a lefty, I still hold back a bit and have to bite my lip in certain environments where I’m surrounded by tories. And like I said, I am absolutely guilty of sometimes pretending that I don’t need the money, I just want it…
Class drag is exhausting and at times very irritating. But no one is going to blame you for doing it. Just try and do it in a way that makes you still feel true to yourself (and therefore empowered), whilst still getting your dough.
Iso
Iso is a writer and filmmaker based in East London. She is passionate about all things erotic and leads a sexy, shame-free life in hope that she can inspire others to do the same. Originally from a Northern seaside town, she is naturally drawn to the best things in life: candyfloss, trashy karaoke bars and heart-shaped sunglasses.
