Tell me about your daddy dom relationship.
I met this guy, Sean, on a sugar daddy website. We instantly connected. He’s 50 with a wifey and two kids but aside from all that, I totally would have swiped right had I seen him on a normal dating app. The physical chemistry is just so fucking insane. I haven’t even spent that much in-person time with him since meeting him back in August but when I have, the sex has been incredible and left me limping for days.
We don’t live all that close plus he works crazy hours and has his family to worry about, so our relationship has morphed into more of a long-distance relationship than an NSA hookup situation. We text constantly and talk on the phone at least once a day. He is really possessive over me, which I find hot and weird at the same time.
He made me delete my account on the sugar daddy website and made me start sharing my location with him on Snapchat. He thinks I’m just some lazy Gen Zer coasting by on my looks and so he tells me stuff like, “Less boys, more books.” I have a bit of an Instagram following and have launched a business around it, and he’s always making me go to the library to work on it.
He’s never actually given me money and at this point, I would feel weird asking. But he has really forced me to lean into making money in a way that doesn’t involve sex work. So while I find it all quite annoying at times, ultimately, I feel like his heart is in the right place and that my life has gotten better since meeting him.
He allows me to go out on non-sugar dates because he knows that I should find a partner who is available and closer to my age. But after each date, I have to call him and give him a play-by-play of exactly what happened. At first, I thought it was a turn-on for him or something, but then when I did go all the way with some guy, he totally lost his shit.
He stopped talking to me for a week and was like, “This hurts too much, I don’t know if I can do this anymore.” I was like, “What the hell?” But at the same time, I had already caught major feelings and didn’t want to do anything to risk that. So, I’ve stopped hooking up with other guys altogether — for now at least. I still talk to guys but no sex.
Have you ever been in a relationship like this before?
Never! It’s all so new to me. My boyfriends have always been nice guys who do whatever I tell them and then when I started sugaring, my relationships with daddies were always pretty superficial. I tried my best to avoid having sex with men I wasn’t into, but I always kept things pretty transactional — you know, meet up for dinner, have sex in a hotel room, get my cash and then bounce.
With Sean, I’m playing this cat-and-mouse game that’s exciting but sometimes I feel like it’s going too far. I usually consider myself to be a pretty even-keeled person, but something about Sean throws me the fuck out of balance. I can’t tell if it’s lust or love but whatever it is, I’ve definitely never felt this strongly about someone before. Not gonna lie, it kinda scares the shit out of me.
What’s the line for you between a consensual Dom-sub relationship and a man trying to control you?
Good question. Like I said, I’m new to all this so I have no idea what’s considered acceptable and what’s not. The physical distance between us and the fact that I could just ghost him and that would be the end of it gives me some sense of control. He has too much to lose to pull some crazy shit like stalking me or whatever. Sometimes, I do feel controlled — like why does he need to know my every move? But for now, it’s still hot. It’s part of the game. If that starts to change, I’ll re-evaluate things.
Is this relationship having a negative or positive impact on you?
That’s another good question. I feel myself spiraling a lot more than I ever have before over a guy. It almost feels like Sean is just looking for reasons to be mad at me all the time. Maybe he’s projecting the guilt he feels from cheating on his wife or the anger he feels because he knows we can’t really actually ever be together. Hard to say but this whole thing is definitely taking a toll on me psychologically. But for all the lows I feel, there are highs that are unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before.
It’s also hard to say whether or not him getting in the way of my sugaring is a negative or positive. On some level, I had already been trying to get out of the game. It’s not like I’ve been deeply traumatized or anything, but I am getting kind of tired of always having to play this DTF character. I missed the intimacy that comes from sex with non-daddy guys.
Even though I met Sean on a daddy website, our relationship feels very intimate and not transactional at all. It’s been really nice. So, while I am shorter on cash than I’d like to be, I’m also being pushed by Tom to work on my business so that I can become more financially independent. When I look at it that way, it’s hard to say that this relationship has been harmful to me.
With all of his crazy demands, do you ever catch yourself lying and/or disobeying your daddy?
Totally. At first, I was being totally honest about what I was doing and who I was talking to but once I started seeing how mad he’d get over the stupidest shit — like hanging out with a guy friend alone — I started telling white lies. If I say I’m going to the city for lunch with a girlfriend, he literally makes me send him a picture as proof. So it’s hard to lie about where I am or what I’m doing, especially since he has my location.
But with regard to who I’m in contact with, he doesn’t need to know. There are still a few daddies I keep in touch with. I haven’t been meeting up with them or anything but part of me wants to. Not only would the cash be nice, but part of me feels like this little kid being controlled. I feel the urge to lash out and do something naughty, especially when Sean gets mad at me over stupid shit.
If he said he would leave his wife and marry you, would you jump at the chance or would that ruin the game / magic of whatever you guys have going on?
I romanticize that scenario in my head, but part of me knows that the game we’re playing is what makes the feelings so intense. If he had me, I feel like he would get bored of me, just like he has with his wife. That whole forbidden fruit thing is real. I can also tell he just likes being in the pursuer role. He pushes, I pull.
He’s addicted to the chase. If that ended, he would lose interest. And even if none of this was the case and we had a really sweet and tender relationship, he’s proven himself to be a total control freak. I don’t see myself with someone like that long-term. I need space for myself. Being in a real relationship with him would be claustrophobic.
How do you see things ending?
Not well. Half the time I wake up and think to myself, “I have to end things. Sean isn’t good for me and I’m not good for him.” But the attraction is just so strong. The only way I see this ending is with some hella dramatic fight. Maybe his wife finds out, maybe I sleep with another guy in a moment of vengeance and he calls it quits. Who knows? What I do know is that it’s gonna fuck me up and I’m not looking forward to it.
Closing thoughts?
Don’t ignore the red flags! There were so many red flags I saw in Sean the minute I met him. I knew I was walking into a situation that was gonna fuck me up and make me question my sanity. I ignored my intuition and for what? Some good sex and emotional trauma I guess. At least he’s made me realize I have the capacity to let go and fall for someone. Up until this point in my life, I didn’t think that was possible.
Jules
Based in Brooklyn, Jules has dedicated her twenties towards harnessing her pussy power, exploring the muse, whore, and wild woman archetypes along the way. When not blogging, you can find her sweating the toxins out in a hot yoga class or sipping a matcha latte at a pretentious coffee shop, whilst she scribbles away in her journal.
