Why is Intimacy coaching essential for the LGBTQ community?

In an age where swiping and no-strings-attached encounters are the norm, those of us seeking more intimate connections often run into problems. This modern-day dating phenomenon has caused a myriad of intimacy issues for both singles and couples alike. It’s no surprise then, that as these concerns increase, so does the need for intimacy coaches.

People seeking the services of intimacy coaches do so in order to gain guidance and support as well as enrich their relationships and become more in touch with their sexuality. But is it the heterosexual relationships that are suffering or are issues with intimacy also felt by the LGBTQ community?

In regards to intimacy coaching – It’s undeniably helpful. A study by the ICF found that 73% of people have reported that undergoing intimacy coaching has bettered their relationships and made them happier. LGBTQ people often deal with their own set of problems which can affect how they connect in the bedroom. From internalised homophobia to shame, rejection and trauma from past experiences – there really is a lot to unpack.

Taking this into account, in true Sensuali style we thought it would be best to go to some experts. Sitting down and speaking to three LGBTQ-focused intimacy coaches, we dove deep into the ins and outs (if you’ll pardon the pun) of how helpful intimacy coaching can be for the LGBTQ community. Here’s what we found:

Oli Lipski, The Queer Sensualist:

Please could you introduce yourself and describe the service you provide?

Hey, I’m Oli Lipski – I offer Sensual Intimacy Coaching for people who are struggling with their sex and love lives, I guide them in overcoming emotional blocks and creating more fulfilling intimacy.

What inspired you to start providing your services to people, how has this developed?

From a young age, I felt like the world didn’t match up to how I was feeling on the inside. I came out as bisexual quite young and endured all the stereotypes, bullying and slut

shaming. I struggled with a lot of shame, guilt, confusion, anxiety, and emotional pain when it came to sex and relationships. I feel lucky that I’ve had some incredible teachers and guides over the years who have a) helped me understand why, b) held me through difficult times, and c) offered deeply profound solutions to my concerns. Ipso facto, I want to share the love!

Is there a defining moment for you as a coach that has shaped you, or the first time you felt able to hold space?

A lot of my job is guiding people into really being able to hold themselves – to feel safer in their own bodies. So I feel like the moments that really stick out are usually when a client feels like they can be really vulnerable; they feel safe enough in my presence to trust the process, despite how scary it might feel at the time.

Moments that shift from a sense of fear into full-hearted love – that is where I find the most transformation takes place. Helping people reach orgasm by working through their blocks fills my heart with joy!

Do you think LGBTQ-specific coaching services are necessary, if so why?

I personally feel that LGBTQ+ coaching is essential for the queer community. LGBTQ+ coaches can relate, and offer a sense of compassionate understanding. Seemingly minor micro-aggressions by unassuming and uneducated service providers can be incredibly harmful and even re-traumatising to people who are already coming to you with something vulnerable and intimate.

While I cannot relate to literally every experience, my educational background in queer theory and personal experiences may create a chance for deeper connection and opportunity for healing with those who might have not felt safe opening up.

Have you noticed anything different or unique about working with LGBTQ clients specifically?

When working with my LGBTQ+ clients I’m aware of particular perspectives and life experiences they may be coming into the session with, for example, shame around their sexuality, their gender, their body, or the way they have sex.

Often this is due to the cis and heteronormative ways we learn about sex and relationships. While my straight cis female clients might also struggle with how heteronormative male-centred pleasure has negatively affected their experience of sex, my queer clients may struggle with another layer of internalised shame around their attractions, desires, or being open about their sexuality or partner’s, especially if they grew up in a conservative homophobic household or community where they weren’t allowed to be open about who they were.

What piece of advice or practice do you think LGBTQ people need the most in order to overcome trauma, heal and feel more embodied?

To feel more embodied we need to inspire a culture that recognises pleasure as something valid and worth cultivating.

Pleasure can be totally healing, and when we’ve been told our desires and attractions are something wrong and to be ashamed of, what better way to counteract that than by prioritising pleasure? As a society, we have become so disconnected from our bodies – and oftentimes it comes down to a feeling of worthiness. “Am I worthy to receive pleasure?” For many LGBTQ+ people the answer may not be an immediate “yes!” However, the more we connect to our “yes!” the more we can live in line with our authenticity and feel connected to ourselves and each other in a way that says “I am here, I am queer, let’s have a fucking great time!”

Anastasia, Magick Mentor:

Please could you introduce yourself and describe the service you provide?

Hey gorgeous, I’m Anastasia, I’m a sex magick mentor who uses eroticism and pleasure modalities to release the power of your sacral so you can become the hottest, most confident and most loving expression of self.

What inspired you to start providing your services to people, how has this developed?

I intuitively have been practising sex magick for many years and it’s my primary healing method… it feels like destiny that this is what I’m supposed to do and I know that with certainty.

Is there a defining moment for you as a coach/specialist that has shaped you, or the first time you felt able to hold space?

I have always had such a powerful channel when I mentor others. But a defining moment would be during one of my first 1:1s when I knew everything being said and exchanged was such a divine stream of consciousness. I felt such a deep level of surety and serenity in that session that I’d never experienced before then.

Do you think LGBTQ-specific coaching services are necessary, if so why?

Yes absolutely. I think people forget that to be different is a radical act. The experiences you have, the way you think about life and how you interact with your body is very different when you’re queer. This comes with a lot of nuance and depth that requires specialist support and understanding.

Have you noticed anything different or unique about working with LGBTQ clients specifically?

Only in terms of the type of things they need to process.

What piece of advice or practice do you think LGBTQ people need the most in order to overcome trauma, heal and feel more embodied?

Build and create your whole life around loving yourself.

How can you commit your existence to acknowledging what you need and honouring the service of meeting those needs?

Develop a relationship with your sacral, not as an identifier of sex or gender, but as a powerful transmuter of energy and a portal of creation. For exercises on this, you can join my online course, Solo Magick.

Dhani Valles, Bodywork Specialist:

What is your name and could you please describe the service you provide?

My name is Dhani. I would describe my offerings as holistic bodywork with ancestral healing modalities interwoven through my healing arts.

What inspired you to start providing your services to people, how has this developed?

My great-grandmother was a medicine woman, and growing up in a family of healers… my Abuelita really opened up my path.

Is there a defining moment for you as a coach/specialist that has shaped you, or the first time you felt able to hold space?

The loss of my father when I was 17, initiated me with the great teacher of grief. And this initiation was a powerful catalyst to hold space for people… including myself.

Do you think LGBTQ-specific coaching/bodywork services are necessary, if so why?

Absolutely, many people in the lgbtq world are yearning for an intimate healing touch. Taking part in a bodywork session, which involves a client lying down and receiving intuitive medicine in the form of a massage from myself, can be such a gorgeous way to experience a loving touch.

After hearing from three experts in their field, it’s clear that these kinds of intimacy coaching services are vital for many LGBTQ people. As someone who defines themselves as a Bisexual man, I know all too well the challenges that LGBTQ people face when it comes to feeling safe within intimacy. The transactional nature that is very present within Gay sex can take its toll on the body, and in July of this year, I had the privilege of working with Dhani as I underwent a 1-hour long bodywork session.

The relief and release my body felt under Dhani’s loving touch was insane and unlike any kind of euphoria, I had ever felt. To be touched and held soothed me in ways I didn’t know possible and my takeaway was that I had never had a connection so pure and loving from a man before who wasn’t just wanting to have sex with me. In the days and weeks that followed, I found myself to be more in tune with my body and accept parts of myself I had buried for years. I think everyone should seek themselves through intimacy, and if you have issues doing so then working on them should be as important as going to the doctor when you feel sick.

If you are curious about seeing an Intimacy Coach, then no matter how you define your sexuality, you can browse profiles here on the Sensuali website to find someone who fits your needs. My advice to anyone who is curious is to go for it, it could be the best gift you have ever given yourself. It certainly was for me.